Category: Ridiculous Rhymes

210127

210127
On the 33rd day of Xmas…

My Christmas tree still lights the room
I only see friends my friends on zoom
Until my friends can visit me
I’m leaving up the fucking tree!

210125

210125
Dumb dog devours desserts & does damp doo doo

I need to dream a little more
I need to snooze, I need to snore
But Brownie scratches at the door
He needs out and I know what for
That big, dumb dog – his tummy hurts
He runs outside, he squats and squirts
He kinda earned those shakes and spurts
He should not wolf down my desserts

210120

210120
Frustration turns to jubilation

This is no exaggeration
Four years is a long duration
To endure annihilation
Of this once majestic nation
Now eager anticipation
For Biden’s inauguration
And the giddy expectation
Jizztrumpet’s incarceration

210113

210113
How very curious

Monkeecat and Sweetie Pea
Having tea at their party
Cuddling a warm teapot
Comforting and not too hot
She sips on her tepid brew
Monkee sleeps ignoring you
These cool cats are on display
What a way to start my day

210111

210111
Legs 11 day

All the twos – twenty-two
Quack quack – two ducks – mark them blue
Six and nine – sixty-nine
A sixty-nine sure would be fine
Five and three – fifty-three
Three-in-a-row, that’s quite lucky
Three and four – thirty-four
I have the sweats, I need one more
Eight and one – eighty-one
I have a check – Yes, I have won!

210106

210106
Un bucking felievable

Jizztrumpet is an ass
The proud boys he did ask
Stand by – stand back – en masse
Then Capitol trespass
And Congress to harass
Not one of them has class
DC police now has
To shoot them with tear gas

210104

210104
Show me the Monet!

My LEGO art is on the wall
It’s George and Ringo, John and Paul
The Beatle dudes in LEGO dots
I love this art, I love it lots

201228

201228
I thought the day would never come

This year needs a fucking conclusion
Impeached due to Russian collusion
Then masks that cause facial contusion
We’ve all suffered from forced seclusion
We can’t have a big celebration
But one thing will bring jubilation
And comfort to every nation…
Spontaneous ejaculation!!!

201221

201221
It’s raining deer – Merry Christmas

This has been a shitty year
So to bring some festive cheer
Brownie, Linc and I have gear
Wearing antlers like reindeer
Do they look good? I can’t tell
My yoke has a little bell
Brownie’s antlers look real swell
Linc thinks I should go to hell

201216

201216
The dream before Xmas

‘Twas a week before Christmas, and all over town
All the talk about COVID was bringing me down
I wanted to snuggle and spoon in a bed
With a winsome woman who loves giving head
And what do my wondering eyes should appear
But a sweet Irish lass to bring me good cheer
She sat on my lap, and she rubbed on my dick
If she kept that friction, I knew I’d come quick
I needed her badly – to unload my sack
So onto the mattress, and there she lay back
I kissed down below – I kissed on her belly
Her perky tits heaved and jiggled like jelly
A wink of her eye, and a roll ’round the bed
She drained Santa’s sack, and then left me for dead
I was to bring gifts to some kids up the road
But here with this lass I had dropped my whole load
As I left the temptress who looked out of sight
“Happy Christmas to me, I’ve had such a good night!”

201214

201214
My jingle jangled

Letting myself go
Don’t care how much I weigh
Sweets and cookie dough
Gorging all the way
Hanging out with Linc
He is not too bright
I’ll sit back and quaff my drink
I’ve had enough tonight!
Brownie smells, Brownie smells
Brownie smells all day
He’s no fun to sit beside
His farts will make you pay
Brownie smells, Brownie smells
Brownie smells all day
He’s no fun to sit beside
His farts will make you pay

201209

201209
Make it stop

I’m going through a stage
Where all I do is rage
I go from being kind
To lost my fucking mind
I know I’ll do again
And maybe lose a friend
I wish that I could stop
Before I blow my top
I try and cannot chill
Instead roll down the hill
Into an awful place
A rampaging disgrace

201202

201202
He’s a goofball

I caught my tail, so I’m a good boy
I ate the mail, so I’m a good boy
I bark real big, so I’m a good boy
I eat like pig, so I’m a good boy
I chase the cat, so I’m a good boy
I’m getting fat, so I’m a good boy
I sleep all day, so I’m a good boy
I never stay, so I’m a good boy
I shed real bad, so I’m a good boy
I love my dad, so I’m a good boy

201130

201130
Brownie caught his tail

Linc caught a mouse
Inside our house
He did it twice
He caught two mice
He thinks it’s fun
I hope he’s done

201127

201127
I’m living like it’s 6

We can blissfully
Move from 5 to 3
Or ignorantly
Move from 5 to 3
But regardlessly
We’re moving to 3

201125

201125
I’m thankful for this frozen pizza

I set the table – a grand display
The wine is flowing – hors d’oeuvres all day
I have never seen so many sides
Green bean casserole and sprouts besides
Candied yams, macaroni and cheese
Pass the potatoes and gravy please
Hot rolls and butter up the wazoo
I did not forget – cranberries too!
This roast turkey is driving me cray
With it’s intoxicating bouquet
Stuffing with bacon, onion and rye
A whipped cream dollop on pumpkin pie
While pondering festive foods I crave
The timer sounds on the microwave
Awakened from my autumnal trance
These fanciful treats won’t cause expanse
I won’t endure tryptophan syndrome
My Thanksgiving dream away from home

201123

201123
He’s purrrrfect

My Linc is a goof
He’s rarely aloof
That cat is a freak
A flying black streak
As smart as a chimp
That lovable imp

201120

201120
Leomund’s Tiny Hut

Needing a short rest
For his awesome quest
Bingo cast a spell
For a place to dwell
That spell built a hut
For his tiny butt
Then he sang a song
‘Bout his tiny schlong

201116

201116
Burnt Bingo

Jumped by fire elemental
And their treatment wasn’t gentle
Hours later, clothes still smolder
Makes me yearn for a beholder

201111

201111
Will ye go lassie go?

The trailer for Wild Mountain Thyme
The accents used might be a crime
The dialog sounds trite and flat
The Irish just don’t sound like that
It’s filled with bad Paddy clichés
Irish reviews will lack of praise
Thyme might be wild upon that hill
But this reeks of Darby O’Gill

201109

201109
Four seasons total landscaping

Joe Biden might be sleepy
But Jizztrumpet is weepy
He’s also super creepy
And just might savor peepee
He’s really good at lying
While so many are dying
Now in his bunker crying
We’ll need Joe’s unifying

201106

201106
Rock’n Me

It’s still a tense nail biter
But things are looking brighter
My expectations widen
Of victory for Biden
This electoral thriller
In honor of Steve Miller

201104

201104
The shithole states

Democracy may not be dead
But most of US still is red
Don’t ask me why it’s not more blue
This whole election stinks of poo

201102

201102
Do the right thing

Voters please don’t let us down
Run that jackass out of town
I’m fed up with dirty tricks
That’s why I want forty-six

201030

201030
Crappy Halloween

Trick or treat
Smell my feet
2020 is not sweet
Treat or trick
Suck my dick
2020 makes me sick

201028

201028
Where are my p̵a̵n̵t̵s masks?

Everything is COVID
Everything is dull, dangerous and obscene
Everything is COVID
Till we get a new vaccine

201026

201026
Our last D&D session

We are gonna kill the monsters
But we didn’t kill the monsters
We are gonna kill the monsters
But we didn’t kill the monsters
We are gonna kill the monsters
But we didn’t kill the monsters
We are gonna kill the monsters
But we didn’t kill the monsters

201021

201021
Seems fallible to me

“Pope” says gays should have a union
Not sacrament like communion
I think gays should have a marriage
All else is justice miscarriage
The church has never liked the gays
That’s why it is their end of days
Jesus was for love and mercy
Not child-loving controversy