140521
I’d like to solve the puzzle
Wheel of Fortune’s Pat Sajak
Is as dull as dental plaque
He goes trolling on twitter
And he comes off as bitter
He pokes fun at climate change
And takes pix at a gun range
He puts down women and gays
His opinions cause malaise
Please don’t follow Pat Sajak
Sony should give him the sack
140519
Limpin’ Jack Flash
Here’s some news that makes me sad
Diet soda is now bad
Angelina’s still with Brad
Mick Jagger’s a great-granddad
Rap music is not a fad
Getting old makes me so mad
140517
He is the entertainer
Let’s go see Billy Joel
At the Hollywood Bowl
He’s the Piano Man
And I’m a life long fan
I’m gonna take my wife
So he best play “My Life”!
140515
Boy’s best friend is pussy
Dog bites child
Cat gets riled
Ninja cat
Makes dog scat
Danger rid
Cat saved kid
140511
#1 Mom
I have the world’s best mother
She cooks meals like no other
She keeps a spick-and-span house
She cleans with nary a grouse
Always time to fix a mess
Every task is a success
I have the world’s best mother
I love her like no other
140509
Definition of meh
I hate when I open a door
And leave footprints on a wet floor
I feel bad, but I must confess
I walk away and leave the mess
140507
Apologies to Night Ranger
Sister Cersei – oh, Jaime has come
Then he pushes Bran, and that is dumb
Foul play, no way
Then King Robert tries to fight a boar
But he loses, and that starts a war
Bran flew, ’cause you
They’re Hodoring
Three-eyed crow in flight
As Summer he will bite
The walkers are all white
Bran, you know Hodor is walking fast
Going north you find the wall at last
Robb slay by Frey
Sister Cersei – Joffrey’s much too mean
You don’t care because you’re still the queen
You preen, obscene, yeah
Hodoring
Bran’s on your back upright
Jojen’s got the greensight
And Hodor is your might
Hodoring
Three-eyed crow in flight
As Summer he will bite
The walkers are all white
Sister Cersei – now Joffrey is dead
That drives Margaery to Tommen’s bed
Kismet, you bet
But they’re Hodoring
Yeah, Hodoring!
140505
I think your body is heavenly
A billion stars up in the sky
They leave bright trails as they go by
Like ripples forming on a pond
To infinity and beyond
140503
Bacon gouda was very good… ah
If you want a place to park it
Go to AG’s Comfort Market
I think they have the best grilled cheese
All their food will certainly please
Go to Comfort and see Kari
If you don’t, you will be sorry
140501
Hot enough to fry an egg…
78 at nine
Some people think that’s fine
But on the Central Coast
That’s when we start to roast
Ninety seven at noon
That’s when we start to swoon
When it’s still hot at night
It makes us feel like shite
We’ll all be in sorrow
If hotter tomorrow
We’ll be wearing a frown
If it doesn’t cool down
140429
Mediate liberate liberate
It’s all my fault, but please don’t hate
I hope that you were not irate
My Sunday poem was too late
It wasn’t posted on the date
I knew that it would be my fate
It’s easy to procrastinate
It isn’t easy to create
But I don’t want to make you wait
I think that you all can relate
Though they don’t have to be that great
The deadline should not deviate
I still feel bad at any rate
140427
#Hodor
Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor H
Odor Hodor Hodor Hodor Ho
Dor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hod
Or Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodo
R Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor
140423
Jury’s still out
I am serving jury duty
Hope I don’t get jury cootie
First guy seated on the jury
Smells like last night he ate curry
Second juror can’t stop coughin’
She coughs loud, and she coughs often
The third to sit is a fat dude
The fourth girl has some attitude
Number five seems like he’s crazy
Juror six is young and lazy
I am worried about seven
Says she talks to God in heaven
The guy in eight does not look fine
But not as bad as juror nine
Number ten is an old lady
Eleven looks slim and shady
And he’s wearing something furry
Hope I don’t get on this jury
140419
What’s cooking on Cook?
Tonight was a big winner
We hosted friends for dinner
First ones there were Kath and Gabe
Then came Stephanie and Dave
We chowed down on some tri-tip
While we had some wine to sip
Then we played some Zombie Dice
Jean won once, but I lost twice
Doesn’t matter, fun was had
Thanks for coming to our pad!
140417
Or whooping cough, or asthma, or …
If I do not stop coughin’
I’ll end up in a coffin
Though I hack, I do not sneeze
My doctor says it’s allergies
I don’t think it’s hay fever
But it’s not a cold neither
I don’t know what’s wrong with me
I just hope it’s not TB
140415
There’s a dog and a fish and a cat in my hat
There’s a doggy on her bed
Sitting with her empty head
There’s a kitty on a box
Filled with underwears and socks
There’s a fishy in his bowl
Glad he’s not a sushi roll
Now it’s time to feed out pets
Beats a visit to the vets
They’re still fun though hardly new
Raven, Linc and Ziggy too
140413
I like Jean’s butt and I cannot lie
It’s my mission – my duty
To illustrate your beauty
You’re a cutie patootie
With a very fine booty
I am extremely lucky
To call you my Sweetie Pea
My love to the nth degree
You are everything to me
140411
That’s so Junior High
I’m the kind of guy
Who loves to eat pie
I wish I could buy
An endless supply
But when they are dry
I suddenly cry
With tears in my eye
I wipe them and sigh
I cannot deny
This is not a lie
As George says, “Oh my!”
140409
Please share #StickPersonPoetry
I think I’m hilarious
Because of the various
Things that I post
I might be delusional
I know I’m unusual
This is no boast
I really would like to get
Some fame on the internet
From coast to coast
It would mean a lot to me
To share my dumb poetry
You’d be the most!
140407
Motivational poetry
If you fear the reaper knocking
Get out there and do some walking
Not only will it clear your head
It may put off you being dead
140405
#NippleSlipDay
Forbidden Island and What the Food?!
And Monty Python Fluxx – it’s all good
Somebody wore clothes a bit risqué
We played more games at #tabletopday
140403
Time for a change?
How long do you stay the course?
Should you back a losing horse?
When should you abandon ship?
How long do you keep your grip?
Are you just a whipping post?
When should you give up the ghost?
Is this tunnel a dead end?
Will the damage ever mend?
140401
But I do root for the Angels
I’ve been the butt of many jokes
But I won’t fall for any hoax
I don’t belong to a think tank
But you’ll still find me hard to prank
I’ve never been a master sleuth
But I won’t believe your untruth
I’ve been a nerd since grammar school
But I am not the April Fool
140331
I don’t care if I never get back
All across the US of A
From Seattle to Tampa Bay
From San Diego to St. Paul
It’s opening day for baseball
Through fall and winter I did mope
But opening day brings new hope
‘Cause when the home team takes the field
Last year’s suffering is all healed
I got my glove; I got my hat
My favorite player is at bat
Will he hit it over the wall?
Let’s find out, it’s time to play ball!
140329
This should take the cake
A little earthquake
Will keep you awake
The ground starts to shake
And things start to break
You’ll get a head ache
It feels like a snake
Is eating brain steak
Oh for goodness sake!
What sense does that make?
140325
Black holes CNN?!?
My brain cannot contain
This unending refrain
About the missing plane
The media campaign
Is borderline profane
I want to have free rein
To administer pain
To the anchors most vain
Hitched to this gravy train
And those who are inane
Who have something to gain
From info they obtain
It’s downright inhumane
That they try to maintain
And keep open the vein
For those feeling the pain
While their hope starts to wane
It’s making me insane
140323
Damn that’s exhausting
We say goodbye to Mary Drive
At out new house we did arrive
It took three days to move a mile
I hope it proves to be worthwhile
Moving all of the odds and ends
Would not have happened without friends
I’ll get back to all my slacking
As soon as I’m done unpacking
140319
Feel the wrath of my poetry!
You want me to have urgency
When it’s your damn emergency?
It’s your fault there was a mistake
So I will not give you a break
You figure out how to make good
For I have done all that I should
If you don’t like this third degree
Next time you should listen to me!
140317
Paddy O’Downer
It happens every year
Wannabes drink green beer
Eat cabbage and corned beefs
Think shamrocks have four leafs
I don’t want to be mean
But simply wearing green
And acting childish
Doesn’t make you Irish
140315
Is it magic or tragic?
A green glitter unicorn
Standing With a broken horn
On a shelf, sad and forlorn
Wishing it was never born
140313
In the zompocalypse I want to be dead last
Ya gotta keep pace
Or you’ll lose the race
Ya gotta go slow
Or you’ll miss the show
Ya gotta move quick
Or you’ll fail the trick
Ya gotta stay loose
Or you’ll spill your juice
Ya gotta be fast
Or you’ll be dead last
The last to be dead
Still wins by a head
