151106
Happy or hungry?
You seem excited to see me
Do you need food or want to pee?
Perhaps you thought that we were dead
And worried how you would get fed
How did you spend your time today?
Did you destroy or did you play?
There’s no debris, so I conclude
That I will give you some wet food
151030
Happy Halloween Eve!
I am a pope, and Jean’s a nun
Brownie’s a cop without a gun
Raven’s a freaking astronaut
Linc isn’t cool with what he’s got
We may not have scary costumes
But as the kids ride witches brooms
To our front door to get their treat
Our neighbors must accept defeat
We have the best house on the block
And Charlie Brown still got a rock
151028
Boris sent me
Vampires give a fright
Because they might bite
The poor ol’ mummy
His wardrobe’s crummy
Zombies don’t like grains
They’d rather eat brains
Invisible Man?
I’m not a big fan
Wolf man is scary
He’s so damn hairy
The Overlook’s ghost
Is not a good host
The creature has gills
He gives me the chills
I do not like ghouls
They’re grave robbing fools
Doc Victor is mean
His lab is not clean
His monster is green
He hates Halloween!
151026
556, 557, 558…
Dogs are barking, and I can’t sleep
I Try my best to count the sheep
But thoughts into my head do creep
I think I’m there, but it’s not deep
At 3 am, I start to weep
Then suddenly, the alarm beep…
151023
Vodka sunset > tequila sunrise
Another Central Coast sunset
Another view I won’t forget
The colors ‘cross the western sky
Will stay with me until I die
151021
Outatime
Thirty years since Marty McFly
Flew way up high into the sky
The car was Doc Brown’s time machine
They landed in Twenty Fifteen
The trilogy got some things right
But it could use a good rewrite
More internet less fax machine
Three Sharknados not Jaws 19
We did not get our hover boards
Self-lacing shoes, or clothes backwards
But that’s okay don’t be sour
When lightning strikes the clock tower
Make sure you’re going eighty-eight
‘Cause these movies are still real great
151019
#2 beats ROY G BIV
In dankest night, in shit’s domain
No nostril can avoid my pain
If you can’t flush me down the drain
I’ll leave my mark – Brown Lantern’s Stain!
151016
No shit? No shit!
Here I sit
Tried to shit
But only made a toot
Hear a shush
So I flush
And out of there I scoot
151014
Plus Diet Mt. Dew
I love Taco Bell
Much better than Del
The tacos are swell
Burritos as well
On one thing I dwell
It makes my poo smell
Ninth circle of hell
I hate Taco Bell
151012
Wearable technology
The bloke in a box
Can turn back the clocks
And fly to the end of the universe
He’s called the Doctor
Through time he does soar
To Cybermen and Daleks he’s a curse
151009
Ditty for a doggie – Brownie Bear
He sits around like he just don’t care
That chromatic canine – Brownie Bear
He’ll eat your house into disrepair
A cast iron stomach – Brownie Bear
His policies are quite laissez faire
That political pooch – Brownie Bear
The backyard’s covered with his back hair
He’s a hirsute hounddog – Brownie Bear
He makes the room reek of derrière
That foul-smelling fido – Brownie Bear
Empty noggin, at a wall he’ll stare
Thick headed, tail wagger – Brownie Bear
151007
I’m sure this is an epic fail
The letter person brings us mail
They also happen to be male
I gather water in my pail
The color of it is quite pale
I have a boat without a sail
Despite that fact it is for sale
A friend of mine just posted bail
He hit someone with a hay bale
I got pounded by sleet and hail
Which made me weak instead of hale
Although I do not have a tail
I hope you have enjoyed my tale
151005
Costliest place on Earth
Their FASTPASS doesn’t solve long waits
They close more rides and raise their rates
The yearly passes cost a grand
Still we’re obsessed with Disneyland
When I was young, I loved to go
To ride the rides and watch a show
The park has changed a lot since then
I don’t think I’ll go back again
151002
142 school shootings since Sandy Hook
Just stop it with the guns
That kill our girls and sons
Stop shootings in our schools
We need a set of rules
To stop gun deaths some day
We need to find a way
150930
Pope Frank the 2 steps back
Now everyone’s favorite Pope
Met everyone’s favorite dope
To meet with a clerk so deranged
Just proves that the Church hasn’t changed
150928
Try not to hate no worries mate
Worst part of the trip is the travel
It makes my brain start to unravel
From lengthy delays on the tarmac
To encumbered bags that hurt your back
Can’t sleep on the plane though I’m shit faced
And then one of our bags is misplaced
The vacation starts when you get there
But sitting around makes me lose hair
150925
Good luck All Blacks!
Our two week trip is at an end
Into a cave we did descend
The glow worms shined as bright as stars
Like fireflies caught in blue jars
We’ve seen and done so many things
Hobbiton from Lord of the Rings
We ate food cooked over tea tree
But never saw a brown kiwi
150923
Hobbiton was awesome
Jean and I went to the Shire
We heard angels in a choir
It’s all true, I am no liar
Green Dragon Inn had a fire
In Bag End we could retire
There’s no way we could be higher
150921
Just as planned
Walking with Jean hand in hand
It’s nighttime in New Zealand
The wine and food sure is grand
We want to stay in Auckland
150918
HB + SP
Went down under to get some ink
I found a place that didn’t stink
There was some pain, but I pushed through
To get a stick person tattoo
150916
Always and forever
For all of the days
You are my always
I always want to
I always want you
150914
I have a pain down under
14 hours on a plane
In my ass there is a pain
All that sitting on my bum
Butt cheeks feel insanely numb
150911
Next stop Sydney!
I’ve lost my concentration
For working at the station
I have a new fixation
We’re going on vacation!
150909
48 sure is great
For my birthday I have one wish
I don’t want steak or any fish
Take back your gifts and keep your checks
‘Cause all I want is birthday sex
150904
#2 favorite republican
There’s no more paper on the roll
But I still have to clean my hole
I can’t find any ‘neath the sink
The stench in here it’s hard to think
I see a rag we never use
The stain it leaves looks like Ted Cruz
Vanilla Glade I freely spray
I think I’ll sell it on eBay
150902
Do your job or quit!
Put down the pipe made out of cob
Kim Davis do your fucking job!
You need to let Jim marry Bob
Kim Davis do your fucking job!
Don’t pander to the right wing mob
Kim Davis do your fucking job!
You’re thrice divorced you marriage snob
Kim Davis do your fucking job!
Go be a clerk and shut your gob
Kim Davis do your fucking job!
You no good homophobic slob
Kim Davis do your fucking job!
150831
Food is sofa king good!!!
Small tater tots and double cheese
A linguica and large coke please
Tom’s Take Out rules that’s why I say
I want to eat there every day
150828
I’m pretty tea’d off
Every morning after I pee
I can’t wait to imbibe my tea
Weekday weekend doesn’t matter
Drink until it fills my bladder
If I happen to go without
I’ll be angry and then I’ll pout
Hot, iced, green, black and even chai
I’m drinking tea until I die
150824
My back teeth were floating
My speed machine
Flies through the green
Light goes yellow
Cannot mellow
Go straight ahead
Right through the red
Here comes a cop
Not gonna stop
He cannot see
Emergency
Too much iced tea
I have to pee!
150821
12-16 weeks, then see ya!
Gonna get me a passport
Gonna make me a citizen
Gonna sell the old escort
Gonna stop watching CNN
I’m gonna get me a passport
Moving to my father’s land
I’m gonna start watching the sport
Where they do not use their hand
150819
My anaconda don’t want none
How do birds whistle when then don’t have lips?
Why won’t wales land walk when they do have hips?
How do rock lobsters go to sleep on rocks?
Why don’t snakes fuck more since they have two cocks?
