140619
She found the black widow too
On a day with so many highs
Of course there had to be some lows
Jean passed her test, and then surprise!
The hatchback came down on her nose
She studied hard without much sleep
But aced her exam like a pro
She bought some brand names for real cheap
Then learned her job would pay more dough
A day like that is so magic
We got home and unpacked the car
Her face was wounded so tragic
I hope it doesn’t leave a scar
140617
Seemed like a reasonable plan
My car she got me around
But a spider
Was insider her
So I burned her to the ground
140615
He’s my happy pappy
To the best dad in town
Who never lets us down
Your barbecues are great
And your jokes are first rate
You’re like totally rad
Happy Father’s Day dad
140613
Your Los Angeles Kings
The Rangers proved that they were tough
Sixty minutes was not enough
There was no time to catch their breath
This game would end in sudden death
In overtime, while tied at two
Neither team could get the puck through
Which meant a second overtime
Playoff hockey is so sublime
It was time for the Kings to go
And finish off this icy show
Quick was able to plug the hole
Martinez got the winning goal
Dustin Brown raised Lord Stanley’s cup
And now the Kings will whoop it up
140611
Melt your face
I think that two dogs means
Twice as many dog farts
I’ve never fed them beans
But this smell’s off the charts
140609
No free hockey tonight #GKG
The Kings rule, and the Rangers blow
These aren’t the Kings I used to know
Justin Williams is their big toe
Kopitar is a total pro
The Kings have won three-in-a-row
In overtime – man, what a show!
I want them to be up three-oh
That’s why I’m yelling – Go Kings Go!
140607
Made you look!
When you try to take a poo
And you make exactly two
You have made the perfect deuce
They’re not easy to produce
140605
Happy Birthday Jean!
Happy Birthday to my wife Jean
I wish I had a time machine
To see you on the ones I missed
I hope this doesn’t sound obsessed
But I will be there at the rest
At least as long as I exist
140603
Idleness is bliss
I don’t feel inspired
That would get me fired
If I got paid for rhymes
But it’s my conviction
That causes some friction
With my slacking sometimes
140601
Go Kings Go!
It’s overtime in game seven
It’s go home or go to heaven
Tyler Toffoli’s deflection
Gives this Kings fan an erection
The Blackhawks put on a good show
But not good enough – Go Kings Go!
140531
Look at my green thumb
Pull the weeds
Plant the seeds
Water plants
Kill the ants
Rake and hoe
Watch them grow
140529
See you real soon
How important is it that
I draw pictures to look at?
Do you need it all the time
Even if it doesn’t rhyme?
Would it ever dawn on you
If I missed a day or two?
I’ll just leave this poem here
While I draw a Mouseketeer
140527
#YesAllWomen trumps #NotAllMen
#YesAllWomen is not trumped by
#NotAllMen, so if you’re a guy
You need to walk in women’s shoes
To see how #SomeMen can abuse
Women know that it’s #NotAllMen
But it happens time and again
That #SomeMen think that it’s their right
To hassle women day and night
Women are not simply objects
To be your slut, to give you sex
You need to treat all women well
If you don’t, you can go to hell
140525
Like sex for me in 80’s
There was a man named Professor X
His students could move and blast objects
Slide around on ice
Use claws that could slice
Watching X-Men is as good as sex
140523
Making memories for Memorial Day Weekend
Three day weekend
With my best friend
72 hours of fun
Gonna sleep late
It will be great
Already good and just begun!
140521
I’d like to solve the puzzle
Wheel of Fortune’s Pat Sajak
Is as dull as dental plaque
He goes trolling on twitter
And he comes off as bitter
He pokes fun at climate change
And takes pix at a gun range
He puts down women and gays
His opinions cause malaise
Please don’t follow Pat Sajak
Sony should give him the sack
140519
Limpin’ Jack Flash
Here’s some news that makes me sad
Diet soda is now bad
Angelina’s still with Brad
Mick Jagger’s a great-granddad
Rap music is not a fad
Getting old makes me so mad
140517
He is the entertainer
Let’s go see Billy Joel
At the Hollywood Bowl
He’s the Piano Man
And I’m a life long fan
I’m gonna take my wife
So he best play “My Life”!
140515
Boy’s best friend is pussy
Dog bites child
Cat gets riled
Ninja cat
Makes dog scat
Danger rid
Cat saved kid
140513
STFU Donald!
There once was a racist named Sterling
The rumors had always been swirling
V got an assist
When Magic was dissed
And that got the media whirling
140511
#1 Mom
I have the world’s best mother
She cooks meals like no other
She keeps a spick-and-span house
She cleans with nary a grouse
Always time to fix a mess
Every task is a success
I have the world’s best mother
I love her like no other
140509
Definition of meh
I hate when I open a door
And leave footprints on a wet floor
I feel bad, but I must confess
I walk away and leave the mess
140507
Apologies to Night Ranger
Sister Cersei – oh, Jaime has come
Then he pushes Bran, and that is dumb
Foul play, no way
Then King Robert tries to fight a boar
But he loses, and that starts a war
Bran flew, ’cause you
They’re Hodoring
Three-eyed crow in flight
As Summer he will bite
The walkers are all white
Bran, you know Hodor is walking fast
Going north you find the wall at last
Robb slay by Frey
Sister Cersei – Joffrey’s much too mean
You don’t care because you’re still the queen
You preen, obscene, yeah
Hodoring
Bran’s on your back upright
Jojen’s got the greensight
And Hodor is your might
Hodoring
Three-eyed crow in flight
As Summer he will bite
The walkers are all white
Sister Cersei – now Joffrey is dead
That drives Margaery to Tommen’s bed
Kismet, you bet
But they’re Hodoring
Yeah, Hodoring!
140505
I think your body is heavenly
A billion stars up in the sky
They leave bright trails as they go by
Like ripples forming on a pond
To infinity and beyond
140503
Bacon gouda was very good… ah
If you want a place to park it
Go to AG’s Comfort Market
I think they have the best grilled cheese
All their food will certainly please
Go to Comfort and see Kari
If you don’t, you will be sorry
140501
Hot enough to fry an egg…
78 at nine
Some people think that’s fine
But on the Central Coast
That’s when we start to roast
Ninety seven at noon
That’s when we start to swoon
When it’s still hot at night
It makes us feel like shite
We’ll all be in sorrow
If hotter tomorrow
We’ll be wearing a frown
If it doesn’t cool down
140429
Mediate liberate liberate
It’s all my fault, but please don’t hate
I hope that you were not irate
My Sunday poem was too late
It wasn’t posted on the date
I knew that it would be my fate
It’s easy to procrastinate
It isn’t easy to create
But I don’t want to make you wait
I think that you all can relate
Though they don’t have to be that great
The deadline should not deviate
I still feel bad at any rate
140427
#Hodor
Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor H
Odor Hodor Hodor Hodor Ho
Dor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hod
Or Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodo
R Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor
140425
Hard-working haiku
Lunchtime is worktime
A slave to the job am I
Tears flowing down cheek
140423
Jury’s still out
I am serving jury duty
Hope I don’t get jury cootie
First guy seated on the jury
Smells like last night he ate curry
Second juror can’t stop coughin’
She coughs loud, and she coughs often
The third to sit is a fat dude
The fourth girl has some attitude
Number five seems like he’s crazy
Juror six is young and lazy
I am worried about seven
Says she talks to God in heaven
The guy in eight does not look fine
But not as bad as juror nine
Number ten is an old lady
Eleven looks slim and shady
And he’s wearing something furry
Hope I don’t get on this jury
140421
Don’t mock the imp at your own wedding
There once was a boy in King’s Landing
Whose wife was better at glad handing
On their wedding day
There was some foul play
Which most viewers thought was outstanding
