160506
I can’t live without her
Jean is away – she’s gone for work
I stumble ’round like a big jerk
The dogs are dead, cat ran away
She has been gone for one whole day
We’re out of food and no clean clothes
I showered with the garden hose
The house burned down at half past noon
I really hope she comes back soon
160504
May the 4th be with you
There once was a man named Darth Vader
Who built a golden robot traitor
A long time ago
He made 3PO
Who turned his back on his creator
160502
I should masticate more
If you are squeamish, I must warn
I’m going to write about poo corn
It’s always there, it never leaves
Just seeing it gives me dry heaves
I’m not a dope, I’m not a fool
I don’t know why corn stays in stool
It starts it’s life grown on an ear
And ends up coming our your rear
160429
#PlayMoreGames #InternationalTabletopDay
Tabletop day is Saturday
Break out the games, and let’s all play
Tell Cliff that you have wood for sheep
Nick gains money during upkeep
With purple trains, Jon makes the route
Gregg’s a Cylon, there is no doubt
Tom’s in Essen to find a cure
Luke has the King, I know for sure
If none of this makes any sense
Go play a game, they’re so intense
Maybe you’ll win or make a friend
You’ll find the fun will never end
160427
We’re all better without Trump
I’m all out of fucks
I don’t care about Trump
I know he’s a mess and has been for so long
I’m all out of fucks
I’m better without Trump
It’s never too late to see that he is so wrong
160425
Congrats mom & dad!
When getting hitched you say, “I do”
It’s easy too, when it’s brand new
While some succeed, way more do fail
Till death seems like a fairytale
My parents did what most cannot
They meant it when they tied the knot
So raise a glass, and give three cheers
They celebrated fifty years!!!
160422
I hope he’s laughing in the purple rain
Delirious, Controversy,
Take me with U, Let’s Go Crazy,
Purple Rain, Erotic City
Soft and Wet and Darling Nikki
From Hollywood to Paisley Park
On pop music, Prince left his mark
Oh purple one, we say goodbye
And now it’s more than doves that cry
160420
He should have got high
24 states think pot’s legit
The other states are full of shit
Tricky Dick said there’s no good use
The war on drugs needs a toke truce
Just think of what the states could do
With all that weed tax revenue
It should be dropped from number one
For patient use or just for fun
160418
#TaxDay
#HeartAttacksDay
Today is about income tax
I’m sure it causes heart attacks
It’s nice to get a big refund
But when you owe you may be stunned
These AGI’s and 1040’s
Can bring a man down to his knees
There’s nothing like the pain and stress
Of dealing with the IRS
160415
Pull my finger
I’m looking through my works of art
It’s clear I’ve spoken from my heart
Some are stupid, and some are smart
But the best ones all mention fart
160413
Farting like comedy is all about timing
I’ve held a secret in my heart
I killed a woman with my fart
The poor young lady’s life did pass
After inhaling noxious gas
It was my putrid aroma
That put her into a coma
You’ll never know quite how I felt
As I did watch her features melt
I’ll never forget that sweet lass
Who met her end by sour ass
Keeping that secret was quite smart
But better to have held that fart
160411
Puffy puffy passy
Puffy clouds up in the sky
Some are low, and some are high
Some are gray, and some are white
Will it rain? I think it might
160408
I’m lost without you
I was like a maniac
Jean was gone, but now she’s back
She can calm my inner freak
She’s my savior, so to speak
160406
Let’s make that total go higher!
There’s a game called Energy Empire
To win, buildings you’ll need to acquire
Forge an engine that all will admire
Overpollute and your plans backfire
There’s no traitor or need to conspire
The countries are real, there ain’t no Shire
You might encounter nuclear fire
Tough decisions might make you perspire
This Kickstarter is one to desire
So back this game and be the next buyer
160401
International Trump day
Brownie and Raven are good dogs
On weekends, we go riding hogs
I want to move to the UK
I want to work all night and day
Trojans and Yankees are my faves
Olives and mushrooms are my craves
Corned Beef is the best Irish food
That Kanye West is one cool dude
I like DC more than Marvel
I like life forms that were larval
The best rock group is Fleetwood Mac
My life is planned by zodiac
Tom Cruise told me about Xenu
It fits right in with my world view
As president, Trump has the tools
If you believe this – April Fools!
160330
I must be high
I’m the kind of guy
Who loves to eat pie
And tuna on rye
While drinking a chai
160328
She’s one pernicious pooch
I love Raven with all my heart
Until she rips a noxious fart
It melts my face; it curls my hair
It grosses out poor Brownie Bear
What does she eat? Is it the grass?
What festers in that evil ass?
I’ve gone from love to really hates
The dog that always flatulates
160325
I hope it doesn’t take 3 days
It will be good Friday when I’m still in bed
With a gorgeous woman who loves giving head
Like the zombie savior eating his twelve men
It will be great Friday when I rise again
160323
Their neighbors want to move to Venice
There once was a woman from Ennis
Who married a farmer named Dennis
They raised lambs and sows
Goats, chickens and cows
The smell was a real fucking menace
160321
Herbaceous haiku
Bright golden poppies
Mingling with purple lupine
It’s blooming brilliant
160318
I drew a bath
If you have had a brutal day
A bath might make it go away
So light candles and fill the tub
Then give your feet a loofah scrub
You do not have to remove dirt
And Champagne surely wouldn’t hurt
To calm your inner psychopath
Turn off the world – turn on your bath
160316
Green beer is for sasanaigh
Put on your green, and raise your beer
At last, St. Patrick’s Day is here!
I’ll speak about the Emerald Isle
And you might end up with a smile
Pull up a chair, and sit right down
We love the craic and hate the crown
We like our food boiled in a pot
Cabbage is good, corned beef is not
Only three leaves on a shamrock
The trunk’s a boot; a lake’s a lough
Jumpers are worn when it’s fierce cold
It’s always fierce the truth be told
The coffee might contain Baileys
To warm you up before céilís
Of course you know, we love our beer
But if it’s green, get out of here!
160314
With envy
Like Kermit, I’m all in green
I’m a green wearing machine
I love green, and that’s no lie
I’ll wear green until I die
160311
Gone like rolling thunder
They say good things come to their ends
I say goodbye to my card friends
No more Star Wars or Burning Sands
So much goodness held in my hands
No more Doomtown or L5R
The boxes went into my car
I hadn’t played these games in years
But all packed up, I fought back tears
When I did play, I had a blast
Those memories will have to last
It had to come, this mournful day
The card games have all gone away
160309
Did he kill himself
I need to get this off my mind
If you watch Flash but are behind
I warn you now to leave the room
Jay Garrick just cannot be Zoom
As Flashes go, he was the first
To make him bad would be the worst
The writers have a lot of nerve
I hope this story is a swerve
Barry Allen might be the best
While others favor Wally West
This might seem a bit hysteric
I’ll quit Flash if Zoom is Garrick
160307
This ending was not too shabby
It’s the end for Downton Abbey
And it was a good finale
Carson has a bit of palsy
Grantham’s mother is still ballsy
To Spratt, Denker is a scoffer
Barrow got more than one offer
Isobel married Lord Merton
Daisy’s love life is more certain
Tom and Henry to sell used cars
Baxter won’t see man behind bars
Molesely is a full time teacher
Bertie got to face the preacher
Patmore’s dinner fed a big crowd
Cora’s Robert says he is proud
Sisters aren’t foes, but they’re not mates
Show ends with a new Master Bates!
160304
His hands do look small
Let’s analyze last night’s debate
By candidates I love to hate
They gave us more hyperbole
A booger eaten on TV
The next thing really made me sick
We got to hear about Trump’s dick
I don’t know why he’s in first place
I want to move to outer space
160302
Green beer no – green shake yes
Now that February’s gone
March is here and marching on
Highlight is St. Paddy’s Day
Shamrock shake and fish filet
Make sure to avoid green beer
Won’t be long till April’s here
160229
My happiness I can’t contain
We woke from sleeping on a train
A hopeless feat while on a plane
We often speed in the fast lane
But that lifestyle’s hard to maintain
It might seem slow and quite mundane
But we get treated like Bruce Wayne
We watch the world sipping champagne
I know next time we’ll take the train
160226
RIP Uncle Bill
We all have an Uncle Bill
Sometimes called William or Will
Funny dude who likes to chill
Man I wish he was here still
