Author: tkpope

200921

200921
The culchies can drink!

They’re open!
They’re really open!
We don’t need chips with pints
The pubs are open!
They’re open!
Thank Christ they’re open!
It’s time to have some craic
The pubs are open!
They’re open!
They’re feckin’ open!
Let’s all have one tonight
The pubs are open!

200918

200918
Stay demented!

I listened to Dr. Demento
Recounting his latest memento
A “Weird Al” 8-track
He found in the back
Of a thrift store in Sacramento

200909

200909
The big five three

Today I’m 53
Big whoop-de-fuckin-dee
Although this year is hell
You’ve made my birthday swell
While I take birthday spanks
I give you many thanks!

200907

200907
Dear Micheál, show prudence

Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
Dear Micheál, open pubs today
The Dutch can drink, the Greeks can too
And everyone in the EU
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
Dear Micheál, open up the pubs
Dear Micheál, don’t forget nightclubs
We want to drink and shake our hips
Why do I need to order chips?
Dear Micheál, won’t you open up the pubs?
Dear Micheál, let us drink and smile
Dear Micheál, we’ve been good a while
We’d like to buy some pints to drain
We want to drink and smile again
Dear Micheál, won’t you let us drink and smile?
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?
Dear Micheál, open pubs today
The Dutch can drink, the Greeks can too
And everyone in the EU
Dear Micheál, can’t we go out to play?

200904

200904
Thousand-of-kind

It’s time for your annual partay
I wish I could be at your soirée
To prove that I care
This rhyme that is rare
Is only for you on your birthday

200828

200828
She got her man

A Mountie that lived in Regina
Mail ordered a young groom from China
She thought she’d be nice
By cooking him rice
And serving it from her vagina

200821

200821
How many weeks was he minister? Fore!

An eejit named Dara Calleary
Went golfing in Galway – my deary
Our very strict rules
Are flaunted by fools
This government’s making us weary

200812

200812
Crazy about Kamala

Deck the polls I’m voting Biden
Ka-ma-la-la-la, Ka-ma-la-la
Goodbye Pence, and also bye Don
Ka-ma-la-la-la, Ka-ma-la-la
Harris will be a great VP
Ka-ma-la, Ka-ma-la, Ka-ma-la
Now for sure a blue wave we’ll see
Ka-ma-la-la-la, Ka-ma-la-la

200810

200810
Sun is best!

Nothing beats a sunny day
Better than the wet and grey
Better than a March with hail
Better than a gusty gale
Better than an April rain
Better than a snowy plain
Better than a windy May
Better than a foggy bay
Better than a gloomy June
Better than the stars and moon
Better than a hot July
Better than a darkened sky
Don’t know what more I can say
Nothing beats a sunny day

200805

200805
He has a pointless point of view

There’s no place in the world for this angry old man
With his thousands of lies and his dumb TikTok ban
He abuses his post, this abuse his downfall
His legacy’s broke like that Mexico wall
And he’s proud as a peacock ’cause he’s a mob boss
And he struggles with facts his soul is a loss
And we’d liked to be rid of this angry old man

200803

200803
The small woman

My tinkerer in Gloomhaven
Was a modest, moxie maven
She gave her coins to the Great Oak
And got some blessings to invoke
Her hardwork did unlock the Saw
And now retires with scant hoopla
She battled through a twelve game slog
I say goodbye to An Bhean Bheag

200731

200731
A king’s scepter has a knob on the end

There once was a princess named Annie
Who married a king known as Manny
She ruled the demesne
The bedroom his reign
His scepter would dictate her fanny

200727

200727
Not all adventures need dice

A castle up the old north road
An eerie, sinister abode
A brave but sad elf was our host
He said his wife was now a ghost
We wondered why she took her life
What caused this human so much strife?
It seems our host would leave for years
She found a man to stem the tears
But when her husband reappeared
Her lover fled – the worst was feared
She had two loves, but neither one
Was there to love, so she had none
She tried to leave but when she died
Her spirit was forever tied
The host asked us to do our best
To put the lady’s soul to rest
So we asked him to tell his tale
He did and cried a mournful wail
His spectral wife then felt his love
No longer chained, she flew above
No weapon drawn, no spell was cast
But we had done what we were asked

200720

200720
One halfling band

Every party needs a healer
And a solid damage dealer
Though most parties do not know it
They should always have a poet
If your fighter has gone AWOL
And your rogue can’t pick locks at all
If your caster takes a beating
While your cleric’s barely breathing
Leave it to the brave musician
To complete the crucial mission

200717

200717
Shredded cheese fajita wife

There once was a Karen named Alice
Who ordered fajitas in Dallas
She just wanted cheese
She even said please
She’s been made a meme ’cause we’re callous

200715

200715
They don’t fucking care

They don’t care if you die
For they need their nails done
They don’t care if you die
So you can’t take their gun
They don’t care if you die
They won’t reuse a bag
They don’t care if you die
But they’ll weep for a flag
They don’t care if you die
But they love them some cops
They don’t care if you die
But Jizztrumpet is tops
They don’t care if you die
So they won’t wear a mask
They don’t care if you die
They won’t do what you ask
They don’t care if you die
They don’t care if you die
They don’t care if you die
They don’t care if you die

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