140101

140101
I’m back like a heart-attack

365 days done
And now a new year has begun
Each year we make a promise to
Become a better me and you
Here’s to doing our very best
To stave off cardiac arrest

1226

1226
Gloves are 50% off too

Boxing day has nothing to do
With pugilists or people who
Punch your face or get into fights
It’s about presenting delights
To folks who need to get a break
We should all give more than we take

1220

1220
House of hate haiku

Man sounds like a duck
Ducks are easily confused
Man builds dynasty

1212

1212
12/12/09 Mr. & Mrs. Geraghty

It was four years ago
Beneath the neon glow
Of a near-freezing sign
We became yours and mine
Your friends joined my wolf pack
We have each other’s back
The best day of my life
When you became my wife
I’ll fix it whatever
I’ll follow wherever
I’ll do it whenever
I’ll love you forever

1211

1211
Wheaton’s Law @wilw

Here are some rules for a good life
When leaving the house, kiss your wife
Don’t put other’s down out of spite
Do what you can to stop a fight
When eating chips, don’t double dip
You should always leave a nice tip
Don’t cut in line or steal a space
Your life’s a journey not a race
Don’t ever call a girl a chick
Above all else – don’t be a dick

1205

1205
Stop clownin’ around

“Keep your burgers, keep your fries,
make our wages supersize”
Fast food workers want more pay
They use food stamps everyday
So the fry cooks strike and rant
But their bosses say they can’t
If they paid a living wage
It would end this Gilded Age

1129

1129
Hail to the hills of Westwood

I love Joe Bruin, so of course
I don’t like Tommy or his horse
Another thing I just can’t stand
I really hate the Trojan band
The goose stepping and sunglasses
Make them look like total asses
Fight On and Conquest get so old
The best band wears the blue and gold

1120

1120
I’m the poetry czar

This might sound bizarre
I got a new car
Gonna drive real far
To the nudie bar
Where I play guitar
And act like a star

1115

1115
Thanks Keith & Mick

You might not fulfill every wish
You can’t partake from every dish
You might not get to do that jaunt
You can’t always get what you want
If you keep the prize in your sight
There’s a chance it’ll turn out right
Even if your plans don’t succeed
You might find you get what you need

1111

1111
Peace man

Today is for those who have served
The praise they receive is deserved
While cheers are good, we should do more
Let’s honor them by ending war

1104

1104
I’d rather be a LOL’er

I met a jerk who was smaller
He asked if I was a baller
So I grabbed him by the collar
He began to shout and holler
I’m not usually a brawler
I would say I am a scholar
But I almost was a mauler
‘Cause this douchebag was a trawler
Like a troll living in squalor
Not a man, more like a crawler
Who begs his mom for a dollar
It turned out he was the bawler

1015

1015
Stop this tea-bagging nonsense!

I hope there’s some dealing
To raise the debt ceiling
If they don’t get it done
The terrorists have won

1001

1001
Your Uncle Sam is who I am

Do you like the man so tan?
I don’t like him Uncle Sam
I don’t like his stupid hair
He just doesn’t seem to care
I don’t like him in the house
Anybody but that louse
He’s dumb like a bag of rocks
He’s the color of a fox
His beliefs are so bizarre
He’s GOP like Babar
He helped shut down Ol’ D.C.
Then danced and shouted “whoopee!”
His tactics are so insane
He’s causing us so much pain
His bite is worse than his bark
Meaner than a great white shark
Why’d he have to crow and gloat?
I hope he gets a sore throat
He thinks this is the best way
He’ll see on election day
How he hates Obamacare
I don’t like him anywhere
I don’t like the man so tan
I don’t like him Uncle Sam

0903

0903
Make love not war

Bashar al-Assad is an ass
Especially if he used gas
But I emphatically implore
Obama – do not go to war!

0902

0902
Though it’ll be hot ’til Halloween

Labor Day, the end of summer
Work tomorrow, what a bummer
Today is swimming in the pool
Tomorrow going back to school
Today is hanging with good friends
Tomorrow summer vacay ends
Don’t become a Summer mourner
Christmas is around the corner

0810

0810
You’ll never whack alone

There once was a man from Liverpool
Who was real handy with his large tool
In his tiny shack
He gave a nice whack
To any lass who wasn’t a fool

0804

0804
Linc curses those with flight

The Cat With Wings
By Robert William Service

You never saw a cat with wings,
I’ll bet a dollar — well, I did;
‘Twas one of those fantastic things
One runs across in old Madrid.
A walloping big tom it was,
(Maybe of the Angora line),
With silken ears and velvet paws,
And silver hair, superbly fine.

It sprawled upon a crimson mat,
Yet though crowds came to gaze on it,
It was a supercilious cat,
And didn’t seem to mind a bit.
It looked at us with dim disdain,
And indolently seemed to sigh:
“There’s not another cat in Spain
One half so marvelous as I.”

Its owner gently stroked its head,
And tickled it with fingers light.
“Ah no, it cannot fly,” he said;
“But see – it has the wings all right.”
Then tenderly from off its back
He raised, despite its feline fears,
Appendages that seemed to lack
Vitality – like rabbit’s ears.

And then the vision that I had
Of Tabbie soaring through the night,
Quick vanished, and I felt so sad
For that poor pussy’s piteous plight.
For though frustration has it stings,
Its mockeries in Hope’s despite,
The hell of hells is to have wings
Yet be denied the bliss of flight.

0702

0702
So far so…

182 poems put to bed
182 poems left unsaid
Now here is poem 183
It’s not about Sea Monkeys or Sweetie Pea
It’s not very funny; not much to see here
I’m simply saying, we’re halfway through the year

0416

0416
God hates WBC

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Fuck the Westboro Baptist Church

0413

0413
Hamilton gets off the snide

There once was a man from Anaheim
Who watched the Angels all of the time
He thought they were done
But instead they won
So now begins the season long climb

0404

0404
R.I.P. @ebertchicago

Sadly, Roger Ebert has passed
His knowledge of movies was vast
He and Siskel gave us two thumbs
Up for the champs, down for the bums
His favorites included Fargo
Citizen Kane, Ran and Argo
He disapproved of top ten lists
Opinions like his will be missed
He lived life; he didn’t hold back
At the Movies now fades to black

0326

0326
Hoping sanity prevails

If you’re against marriage equality
How big an asshole do you need to be?
The supreme Court will make a decision
I hope they choose love over division

0310

0310
Oh to be in Mayo

Going Home to Mayo, Winter, 1949
By Paul Durcan

Leaving behind us the alien, foreign city of Dublin
My father drove through the night in an old Ford Anglia,
His five-year-old son in the seat beside him,
The rexine seat of red leatherette,
And a yellow moon peered in through the windscreen.
‘Daddy, Daddy,’ I cried, ‘Pass out the moon,’
But no matter how hard he drove he could not pass out the moon.
Each town we passed through was another milestone
And their names were magic passwords into eternity:
Kilcock, Kinnegad, Strokestown, Elphin,
Tarmonbarry, Tulsk, Ballaghaderreen, Ballavarry;
Now we were in Mayo and the next stop was Turlough,
The village of Turlough in the heartland of Mayo,
And my father’s mother’s house, all oil-lamps and women,
And my bedroom over the public bar below,
And in the morning cattle-cries and cock-crows:
Life’s seemingly seamless garment gorgeously rent
By their screeches and bellowings. And in the evenings
I walked with my father in the high grass down by the river
Talking with him – an unheard-of thing in the city.
But home was not home and the moon could be no more outflanked
Than the daylight nightmare of Dublin city:
Back down along the canal we chugged into the city
And each lock-gate tolled our mutual doom;
And railings and palings and asphalt and traffic-lights,
And blocks after blocks of so-called ‘new’ tenements –
Thousands of crosses of loneliness planted
In the narrowing grave of the life of the father;
In the wide, wide cemetery of the boy’s childhood.

0219

0219
I got the last word

Growing up as a nerd
My chances were absurd
Of going to a dance
Or having a romance
With the girls I wanted
Instead I was taunted
For having some knowledge
And going to college
Although I’m still a nerd
I have a lovely bird
And those who threw the taunts
Are filled with hopes and wants

0127

0127
We don’t need roads

The Road Not Taken
By Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

0121

0121
That’s my dream

Why should a racist jerk
Enjoy this holiday?
Shouldn’t they have to work
To honor MLK?

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