I’m going back, but I’m not going home
I’m gonna see mom, dad, Tom and Jerome
I’m gonna go back to where I’m the Pope
I’m gonna eat tacos and smoke some dope
I’m not going home, but I’m going back
I’m gonna see friends like a maniac
I’m gonna play games and walk in the sun
And then I’ll go home when all of that’s done
“Pope” says gays should have a union
Not sacrament like communion
I think gays should have a marriage
All else is justice miscarriage
The church has never liked the gays
That’s why it is their end of days
Jesus was for love and mercy
Not child-loving controversy
I’m used to this as I live alone
I rarely shower or wear cologne
The dog don’t mind and neither the cat
They don’t complain or say that I’m fat
They don’t gossip or make me feel sad
The best teammates that I ever had
As I walk through the packed aisles and I look to my right
I see a game that I want and I devise to squeeze in tight
‘Coz I’ve been planning and reading so long, that
I got to buy this game before it is gone
You see Rahdo told me that this one is phenomenal
Because negative interaction is nominal
Then my wallet does the talkin’, and I start walkin’
Until Boydell’s new game is blockin’
I really love his games, so I buy it, dude
He better sign the box or that would be quite rude, fool
I’m the board game geek that goes around with a Pope hat
So all the folks in the math trade hall know where I’m at
Though I’ve only been there twice
Essen is a gamer’s paradise
Tokens, cards, minis and dice
Essen is a gamer’s paradise
Kickstarter’s my only vice
Essen is a gamer’s paradise
Buying games at twice the price
Essen is a gamer’s paradise
There is an airport out in Knock
Where there ain’t much but stone and rock
The Holy Mary was seen there
With Joseph floating in the air
So Pope Frank went to see the church
Where Joe and Mary once did perch
The airport staff waited in line
To give Francis a shirt to sign
A jinx he was asked to reverse
In hopes of ending Mayo’s curse
Instead of such a petty task
A thousand things they could have asked
About abuse by priests and nuns
The church has failed the little ones
Little remorse, barely regret
Before he left them in his jet
There once was a pope named Francisco
Who roofied some dudes at a disco
With all of the noise
The three altar boys
Were certainly worth the huge risk-o
Go see the pope in Phoenix Park
Stroll through an alley after dark
Jump in a pile of broken glass
Ignore effects of greenhouse gas
Elect outsiders out of spite
In thunderstorms go fly a kite
Don’t bother wiping after poo
These are some things you should not do
The world has much love for this Pope
His sermons preach of lasting hope
But today, he walked a tightrope
By welcoming in a big dope
Jizztrumpet is a misanthrope
Repellent because of his grope
His pride is a slippery slope
When asked to smile Francis said, “NOPE!”
I am a pope, and Jean’s a nun
Brownie’s a cop without a gun
Raven’s a freaking astronaut
Linc isn’t cool with what he’s got
We may not have scary costumes
But as the kids ride witches brooms
To our front door to get their treat
Our neighbors must accept defeat
We have the best house on the block
And Charlie Brown still got a rock
Many know I call myself Pope
Even though I don’t bestow hope
Pope Francis can talk the good talk
Wish the church would walk the good walk
People flock to hear his sermon
Like him better than the German
Not a fan, but not a hater
Now he’s south of the equator
When I find myself that far south
I get things done with my big mouth
Pope Francis said in a promo
That he was not anti-homo
Then he excommunicated
A pro-gay priest who had stated
Women should be ordained as well
The Vatican can go to hell
There is a lake in distant Zan,
Beyond the wonted haunts of man,
Where broods alone in a hideous state
A spirit dead and desolate;
A spirit ancient and unholy,
Heavy with fearsome melancholy,
Which from the waters dull and dense
Draws vapors cursed with pestilence.
Around the banks, a mire of clay,
Sprawl things offensive in decay,
And curious birds that reach that shore
Are seen by mortals nevermore.
Here shines by day the searing sun
On glassy wastes beheld by none,
And here by night pale moonbeams flow
Into the deeps that yawn below.
In nightmares only is it told
What scenes beneath those beams unfold;
What scenes, too old for human sight,
Lie sunken there in endless night;
For in those depths there only pace
The shadows of a voiceless race.
One midnight, redolent of ill,
I saw that lake, asleep and still;
While in the lurid sky there rode
A gibbous moon that glow’d and glow’d.
I saw the stretching marshy shore,
And the foul things those marshes bore:
Lizards and snakes convuls’d and dying;
Ravens and vampires putrefying;
All these, and hov’ring o’er the dead,
Narcophagi that on them fed.
And as the dreadful moon climb’d high,
Fright’ning the stars from out the sky,
I saw the lake’s dull water glow
Till sunken things appear’d below.
There shone unnumber’d fathoms down,
The tow’rs of a forgotten town;
The tarnish’d domes and mossy walls;
Weed-tangled spires and empty halls;
Deserted fanes and vaults of dread,
And streets of gold uncoveted.
These I beheld, and saw beside
A horde of shapeless shadows glide;
A noxious horde which to my glance
Seem’d moving in a hideous dance
Round slimy sepulchres that lay
Beside a never-travell’d way.
Straight from those tombs a heaving rose
That vex’d the waters’ dull repose,
While lethal shades of upper space
Howl’d at the moon’s sardonic face.
Then sank the lake within its bed,
Suck’d down to caverns of the dead,
Till from the reeking, new-stript earth
Curl’d foetid fumes of noisome birth.
About the city, nigh uncover’d,
The monstrous dancing shadows hover’d,
When lo! there oped with sudden stir
The portal of each sepulchre!
No ear may learn, no tongue may tell
What nameless horror then befell.
I see that lake—that moon agrin—
That city and the things within—
Waking, I pray that on that shore
The nightmare lake may sink no more!
In the Spring a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of baseball
In the Spring we disregard the painful losses of fall
In the Spring we draft our favorites and hope they prevail
In the Spring those who ignore injuries are doomed to fail
So, now we have a Pope Francis
Will he change any church stances?
I think we should call him Pope Frank
That would be quite a papal prank
Brand new Pope, but plan is the same
Lie, deny, and shirk all the blame
To many it might seem like a joke
But Catholics are focused on smoke
It’s a strange way to elect a boss
How is it done over at Hamas?
When the pipe spews out smoke that is black
Cook up some pop-corn and just sit back
When the voting brings smoke that is white
That means everything will be all right
Rodman goes to North Korea
Horsey Sausage at IKEA
Cardinals meet to make new Pope
Gang rape suspect at end of rope
High court debates Voting Rights Act
My Yahoo email was hijacked
The Dow Jones sets an all-time high
More headline news to get you by
Old Pope is stepping down
Helen Hunt wears cheap gown
Ben’s Argo is the best
Blizzards hit the midwest
In Egypt, balloons crash
Gasoline costs more cash
Blade Runner kills girl friend
Gun deaths won’t ever end
In 85
I could not drive
In my High School
I was not cool
Off to college
To gain knowledge
UCLA
Blue and gold, yay!
Joined Rally Comm
They were the bomb
I met a bud
His name was CHUD
There was Kathy
And RDB
They called me Pope
I had new hope
Though still a geek
That was now chic
In 85
I felt alive!
I woke up to news that the Pope had quit
I thought to myself, “Now ain’t this some shit?!?”
Catholics around the world will have to cope
‘Cause since 1985, I’ve been Pope
If Sean can be Diddy
And Curtis is Fiddy
Then they’ll both have to cope
That I call myself Pope
I can’t rap worth a shit
But they’ll have to admit
I can rhyme like the Game
Yet my drawings are lame