Poems and/or Drawings about shit that happens in the Bathroom.
151111
Good thing his nose is pink
We could not find our little cat
We did not know where he was at
We checked outside, he was not there
He wasn’t in his favorite chair
We searched upstairs and then searched down
He could be anywhere in town
We called his name, “Where are you Linc?”
We found him in our bathroom sink
151016
No shit? No shit!
Here I sit
Tried to shit
But only made a toot
Hear a shush
So I flush
And out of there I scoot
150904
#2 favorite republican
There’s no more paper on the roll
But I still have to clean my hole
I can’t find any ‘neath the sink
The stench in here it’s hard to think
I see a rag we never use
The stain it leaves looks like Ted Cruz
Vanilla Glade I freely spray
I think I’ll sell it on eBay
150828
I’m pretty tea’d off
Every morning after I pee
I can’t wait to imbibe my tea
Weekday weekend doesn’t matter
Drink until it fills my bladder
If I happen to go without
I’ll be angry and then I’ll pout
Hot, iced, green, black and even chai
I’m drinking tea until I die
150824
My back teeth were floating
My speed machine
Flies through the green
Light goes yellow
Cannot mellow
Go straight ahead
Right through the red
Here comes a cop
Not gonna stop
He cannot see
Emergency
Too much iced tea
I have to pee!
150126
No shit?
Here are some facts you never knew
About the act called number two
The first point is a little crude
But crap is mostly not old food
Eat at the cafeteria
And then you make bacteria
Because the way it’s broken down
Dead red blood cells turn feces brown
Our GI tracts are so complex
Our colons differ for each sex
A good turd is a log that sinks
I think it’s one that barely stinks
Plant cellulose is good for you
It’s why you see corn in doodoo
We carnivores may have a gripe
‘Cause Vegetarians don’t wipe
Newborn doodie is quite bizarre
It’s odorless and looks like tar
The weirdest thing they do with poo
Is when they put it inside you
This can repair your GI tract
Good shit saves lives and that’s a fact!
150119
He do not sow
We said goodbye to Ziggy
He wasn’t very biggie
A tiny little fishy
Who wasn’t very swishy
Though it’s a little meta
We got another betta
His blue is almost neon
I think we’ll call him Theon
141219
Gotta take a Kim Jung-Un
When I think of my Sweetie Pea
It’s like I’m on a tranquil sea
When I think of the holidays
My wallet needs a big fat raise
When I think of my dearest friends
To me they prove that they’re all tens
When I think of North Korea
I suffer from diarrhea
140907
Please don’t wink
When I drink
I get pink
Past the brink
Hurl in sink
Make’s a stink
Home I slink
Didn’t think
Shouldn’t drink
140903
1,2,3,1,2,3,1,2,3,1,2,3,1,2,3,1,2,3
This isn’t just affecting me
I know we all have OCD
It’s not just washing hands and such
It’s also counting things too much
Having pets might be rewarding
But 12 cats might mean you’re hoarding
Having a daily ritual
Is fine if not habitual
If your actions are excessive
If your feelings are obsessive
If your worries won’t go away
Your OCD is here to stay
140809
Blame it on the guy before
Have you ever smelled a smell
Like some demon dark and fell?
Did a vulture die in here?
This might linger for a year
Like an abattoir of death
Worse than garlic, onion breath
I think it was chorizo
That made the bathroom smell so
140715
Stuck in the bathroom
The door is s’posed to slide
But rarely does it glide
I don’t like to be stuck
When I’m on the inside
It’s something with the wheel
It must be budget steel
I mean like what the fuck?
I’m over this ordeal
140705
At least they’re super cute
I was clean, but now I’m not
Brownie sneezed, and out came snot
Raven covered me with fur
Linc just likes to knead and purr
While he drenches me with drool
Having pets makes me a fool
140623
Wet spot
Before you go to bed
To get your forty winks
You have to plan ahead
Don’t have so many drinks
If you indulge too much
You won’t have restful bliss
You’ll toss and turn and such
Because you have to piss
Your bladder starts to ache
You stumble to the john
Not totally awake
You leave your undies on
You can’t hold back the sea
The liquid must expel
So now you’re soaked with pee
And wide awake as well
140607
Made you look!
When you try to take a poo
And you make exactly two
You have made the perfect deuce
They’re not easy to produce
140307
At least it wasn’t potato bug
Jean just saw a spider
It skittered beside her
Though it didn’t hurt her
She asked me to murder
The huge hairy spider
That skittered beside her
I stomped on its body
And dropped it in potty
In the death triple crown
The spider got flushed down
A warning to spiders
They should stay outsiders
140211
Number one with a bullet
When making number two
There is no guarantee
I want to make a poo
But all I do is pee
I give it all I got
And try with all my heart
But squatting on the pot
The most I do is fart
0813
Maybe shaming will work
I saw it once, I thought it was a fluke
It happened again, and I want to puke
There’s a Paper towel in the urinal
Might be common at a bus terminal
But it’s gross when it’s at your place of work
Whoever is doing it is a jerk
0213
Eat less
Drink water
Exercise more
When I am on a diet
My stomach won’t stay quiet
If my belly feels hollow
Cups of water I’ll swallow
Makes me dash to the latrine
All this running keeps me lean
0115
Like it’s never happened to you
If you can’t trust a fart
Be prepared for a shart
Give your ass cheeks a squeeze
Or find fudge in undies
To the bathroom you streak
To prevent a brown leak
You leap onto the bowl
And applaud your control
