160928
www.staytuned.com
I’m working on a secret site
I’m building it with all my might
I’m confident that when it’s done
You’ll think it is a lot of fun
160926
160926
I’m a master debater
It’s time to watch the first debate
NBC’s Holt will moderate
Clinton and Trump do not equate
Her plan is to perpetuate
Obama’s years that end at eight
While Jizztrumpet embraces hate
He thinks the US isn’t great
Brown people he’d incarcerate
Or even worse – forced emigrate
These views should make voters irate
But they will just self-medicate
And experts will prognosticate
While sycophants congratulate
Each presidential candidate
I hope tonight will motivate
Undecideds who chose to wait
To see these two deliberate
The stakes I cannot understate
There’s time to guard the whole world’s fate
Please register, it’s not too late
160923
160923
Can’t stand now can they?
If you’re born with skin that’s black
There’s a target on your back
Even with hands in the air
Law enforcement doesn’t care
To them, you’re a big bad dude
Fuck that racist attitude
When that song plays, “Don’t you sit!”
That’s when white folks give a shit
More concerned that you don’t stand
While the blood drips from their hand
160921
160921
Skittles are tasty
Trump is tasteless
Trump spews hate through cryptic riddles
Humans are not bowls of skittles
While his children expel toxin
Onto kids driven like oxen
We should recognize this villain
Can’t be cured with penicillin
Voting is the only answer
To prevent this orange cancer
160919
160919
Prepare to be boarded!
If ye want to plunder booty
Of a Jolly Roger cutie
Ask her with a salty swagger
If she’ll scabbard yer big dagger
160916
160916
His favorite preserve is strawberry
I once had a roommate named Jerry
His interest in porn was quite scary
He really liked when
A bunch of women
Would live in a house on the prairie
160914
160914
Dating tips from a master ex-dater
Plan out what you want to wear
Trim your nails and wash your hair
Tweeze the long hairs in your nose
Clean the fungus ‘tween your toes
Do this if you want to date
Or you’ll have to masturbate
160912
160912
Deserving strong condemnation #SeemsFair
Putting racists in a basket
Makes them blow their hate-filled gasket
Deplorable fits them quite well
Those that like Trump should go to hell
160909
160909
I hope your birthday is swell
It’s happy birthday time
My gift for you is rhyme
Your day will be sublime
It’s happy birthday time
——————————
I hope your birthday is swell
I hope you live long and well
I hope that you do not dwell
On jerks who should go to hell
160907
160907
Tip me over and I’m greater than infinity
On three squared / three squared
I’ll be seven squared years old
Yet I am still round
160905
160905
I gained the knot of wings #thornwatch
When Eyrewood’s under attack
The villagers are quick to act
They tie a knot on a tree’s notch
To summon aid from the Thornwatch
The watch bring hope when there is fear
And ebb makes sure evil is near
When darkness lurks there is no rest
To all who dwell in the forest
If you’re seeking adventures grand
The Eyrewood could use a hand
But briar thorns are all you got
So find a birch, and tie a knot
160902
160902
A vote for HRC is a vote for taco trucks
Four taco trucks are over there
More taco trucks are everywhere
There are so many taco trucks
Latinos have caused this influx
Their culture is so dominant
Their tacos are so prominent
We cannot stop these taco trucks
They’re taking over like Starbucks
160831
160831
Let’s have a ball for summerall
Though fall is still three weeks away
Summer concludes on Labor Day
The calendar may not agree
But brand new shows are on TV
School has returned and football too
We have a chance for something new
Between breakfast and midday lunch
Someone created champagne brunch
So after summer, before fall
We should declare a “summerall”
And just like brunch we drink champagne
While summer bods are on the wane
160829
160829
What Kaepernick haters sound like to me
The flag should be respected
Not your silly race complaints
Your people are neglected
By society’s constraints
But we cannot acknowledge
The playing field’s not level
You must have learned in college
While people are the devil
We liked you as a winner
When the game was on the line
But now you are a sinner
And we pray for your decline
160826
160826
#AltRightMeans being racist is cool
Alt right means that good ol’ boys are great
Alt right means destroying love with hate
Alt right means controlling how you dress
Alt right means a woman’s “no” means “yes”
Alt right means they’re proud their skin is white
Alt right means they’re always wrong – not right
160824
160824
Share my stupid shit too!
I think I’m done, ’cause no one cares
This poem won’t get any shares
I rarely get likes, laughs or hearts
Unless it’s about shits and farts
I don’t know what I have to do
To get an interact from you
If we don’t change this dismal trend
This Facebook page will see its end
160822
160822
This one goes to Eleven
Dungeons and Dragons is a game
No two adventures are the same
If demogorgon is your foe
The Dungeon Master’s not your bro
You try to cast a fireball
But rolling seven’s your downfall
When armed with rocks and wrist-bound slings
You may encounter Stranger Things
160819
160819
This goblin Poap he ain’t no dope
Poap is goblin warrior
Stabbing foes is not a bore
When he cuts, your blood will pour
Then he’ll do it more, more, more!
————————————
Poap is hungry ’cause he’s fat
So he ate your smelly cat
If you’re not okay with that
He will chop your head off – splat!
160817
160817
Black cat appreciation day
Black pussies should not be hated
They should be appreciated
Stroke them, pet them, fondle and touch
Tickle them with feathers and such
Give them a smooch or soft caress
It’s your job to diminish stress
Become a pussy sorcerer
Do what it takes to make them purr
160815
160815
Your meat needs three stripes
I’m so mad I wrote this letter
Burger King you should know better
I just ate a Whopperrito
Whopper crossed with a burrito
Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce
This creation does upset us
Please forget these loathsome mergers
You should stick to grilling burgers
160812
160812
He tells it like it jizz
The Jizztrumpet says he’s sarcastic
The lies that he spews are bombastic
A total disgrace
When he fails this race
His fans will take actions quite drastic
160810
160810
Next time I’ll call pizza slut
The dogs are fed, the cat is too
Now it’s my turn to have a chew
But Jean is gone, I’m on my own
My stomach growls, I start to moan
I look around for food to nuke
The leftovers all look like puke
So I decide to cook from scratch
I gather wood, and strike a match
I fill a pot, and start to boil
I grease the pan with olive oil
I marinate the meat in sauce
I chiffonade like I’m a boss
I bake spring rolls as an hors d’oeuvre
Then right before I start to serve
My eyes open, I’m on the floor
My head had banged the freezer door
My night as chef was just a dream
I settle for melted ice cream
160808
160808
#LightsOut
These once was a ghost named Diana
To hide in the dark was her plan-a
Exposed to the light
She started to fight
But lost and was not top banana
160805
160805
Olympic torch the whole city
Today it starts – the games of Rio
The athletes say it smells like pee-oh
It isn’t safe, the pipes are leaky
The hackers are steadfast and sneaky
If that’s not all, you might get zika
If you get cozy with that chica
The food might give you salmonella
Powerful gangs run the favela
Children and drugs are what they peddle
All this to win a shiny medal
160803
160803
How proud they must be
The family who sacrificed is known as Khan
Their hero son was lost in war, we honor them
The family we know as Trump, their job is con
Their awful son shoots animals, ain’t he a gem?
160801
160801
He wasn’t playing
There once was a fella named Jamie
His jokes were the kind that would slay me
The way he said “hey”
He either was gay
Or else he was trying to play me
160729
160729
My asterisk is on fire
You should trust me when I say
It’s good to have a bidet
When you go to eat buffet
On colonoscopy day
160727
160727
Love trumps hate
Clinton is the first
She’s the nominee
And Trump is the worst
He’s a wannabe
The sound you’re hearing
Is of broken glass
If you’re still jeering
You can kiss my ass!
160725
160725
She’s my Santa Maria Girl
Well I took a chance, on a dating site
On a Friday-I-ay-I-ay
And when she walked in, she was dynamite
On a summer day-I-ay-I-ay
She was lots of fun, such a pretty girl
And I felt right then, I would take a whirl
I can tell you friends, I knew what to do
I gave her a ring, she’s my sugar pooh
160722
160722
In a nutshell
We’ve gone to hell
The RNC
In CLE
Trump makes them fear
And they all cheer
He spews out hate
They think it’s great
I’m scared as shit
That Trump wins it
160720
160720
@Lesdoggg
#LoveForLeslieJ
I have love for Leslie Jones
She was made from funny bones
Fuck the haters and their hate
Leslie Jones is fucking great