Stick Person Poetry

170220

170220
She left in a cloud of farts

There once was a black dog named Raven
To greet you her tail would be wavin’
She had one good trick
But then she got sick
No longer she’ll be misbehavin’

170217

170217
I cunt believe it

At work on Friday
No work on Monday
Is it wrong to say
See you next Tuesday?

170215

170215
This is treason, I’m not teasin’

Most would say it stands to reason
What Flynn did was surely treason
Now our Congress needs to squeeze in
This before impeachment season

I love pizza, I love steak
I love spooning while we wake
I love boardgames, I love books
I love sharing our outlooks
I love cider, I love wine
I love that you’re genuine
I love everything we do
I love everyday with you

170210

170210
Eat, poo, love

Fuffle had one job to do
And she did it well enough
Tumors changed to truffle poo
Made this journey not so tough

170208

170208
Sycophant Spicer

There once was a lackey named Spicer
Who never said “no” but “aye, aye sir!”
When told to read lies
He squinted his eyes
And asked for the press to be nicer

170206

170206
Inspired by Peter Paul & Mary

Fuffle the Dragon will get you cancer free
So you can live a happy life and be a Sweetie Pea
Little Jeannie wore her on a silver chain
So she could do the normal stuff free from all that pain

170203

170203
Eat them up – yum!

There once was a dragon named Fuffle
Who lived in the side of a rough hill
It’s not a rumor
She’ll eat your tumor
And poo it out to make a truffle

170201

170201
Make beer, not war

If you like beer and board games too
Then you should Kickstart Dragon Brew
You choose your favorite mythic race
Then draft some cards and worker place
It’s fun to play and not a chore
So back it to “Make Beer, Not War!”

170130

170130
I must insist that you #RESIST

When he institutes a ban
We must do all that we can
To #RESIST his evil ways
From right now till end of days

170127

170127
Make America pay again and again

Mr. Jizztrumpty built a big wall
Mexico was to pay for it all
All of our imports would now face a tax
To place the price tag on American backs

170125

170125
Not an #AltFact

There’s no greater pain
Than stepping on a Lego
While holding a cat

170123

170123
0 days without a lie

A lie is a lie is a lie
And this one is too big to buy
Don’t tell me I need to relax
Stop calling it alternate facts
Newspeak is always rejected
Alt facts are always corrected
If we cannot trust every word
We’ll flush you like a hairy turd

170120

170120
Together we’ll get through it

The past has been good
The present is uncertain
The future more so

170118

170118
I’m not crying! You’re crying!

We say goodbye to 44
We’d like to have at least four more
The good he did, he’d do again
As leaders go, he is a ten
But now it’s time for him to go
And when he’s gone, we’ll miss him so
We say this with the best intent
You’ll always be our president

170116

170116
Will we ever wake up?

I had a dream, but it’s over
Deceased like that dead dog Rover
The Jizztrumpet’s Russian affair
Will soon be our noxious nightmare

170113

170113
Next Friday is scarier than Jason

Friday night and I got money
So it’s date night with my honey
Head to Red Box then to take-out
Hoping that we get to make-out
But this Friday is a thirteen
And our nice night ended up mean
Movies and the food were sucky
So we didn’t get too lucky
While this evening seemed to be cursed
Next Friday will surely be worse

170111

170111
It’s time for him to go

The Jizztrumpet had a secret
And he thought he’d always keep it
To Russia he was beholden
‘Cause of showers that were golden
He will deny this tinkle tryst
While he’s on twitter getting pissed!

170109

170109
That would be a fun game night

I want to party with Kristen and Dax
They both know how to have fun and relax
After the awards, they pulled out Catan
They had wood for sheep and got their geek on

170106

170106
Spoons solve situations

If your day was one big muddle
When you dropped stuff in a puddle
And your wine does not befuddle
Problem solved with one big cuddle

170104

170104
Rehydrated haiku

First rain of the year
Just enough to flood the streets
Lakes are still empty

170102

170102
United we wade uphill

When I wake up next to you
There is nothing I can’t do
If you’ll be my jelly moo
I will be your sugar pooh
In this year that’s still brand new
Hand in hand we’ll see it through

161230

161230
I resolve to resist the Jizztrumpet

2016 could not be worse
Like shitty drinks you’re forced to nurse
To start this list of things not good
The loss of stars from our childhood
And Jizztrumpet the next four years?
He’ll harbor hate and foster fears
To me the thing that tops this list
Is Jean’s cancer her doctor missed
I say this with the utmost class
This year has sucked a fat dog’s ass!

161228

161228
“We miss you” “I know”

There once was a princess named Carrie
Whom every boy wanted to marry
In moonlight angled
Her own bra strangled
‘Cause this year is our adversary

161226

161226
Sex is natural but so is death

Another star Death did abduct
2016 has fucking sucked
And now he got that dude from Wham!
But not Ridgeley – who’d give a damn?
George Michael’s gone, his fans are wrecks
No more “Faith” or “I Want Your Sex”
So rest in peace you sexy Greek
This year is done in one more week

161223

161223
My Christmas Hanukkah Kwanzaa wish too

I have one wish this Festivus
For Jean to be as well as us
Maybe more well than Dave the drunk
His muddled head’s missing a chunk
And way better than fatso Fred
He’s one donut away from dead
And don’t forget ol’ smelly Sue
She stinks worse than a pile of poo
My wish for Jean this Festivus –
Better health than the rest of us!