170503
#DarkTowerMovie
Dark Tower off in the distance
Without it there’s no existence
Gunslinger protects the tower
Man in Black has eldritch power
Jake Chambers mid-world explorer
Stephen King writes more than horror
Jean and I are constant readers
My excitement might exceed hers
170501
Trump fans – dense means stupid
Jizztrumpet is fucking dense
Things he says do not make sense
Every day he fucks up more
“Why was there the civil war?”
His query is causing waves
Guess he forgot ’bout the slaves
170428
I have wood for sheep
Tomorrow I will #PlayMoreGames
I hope I get to play Codenames
Pandemic, Eclipse and Blood Rage
Caverna, Wiz War and Stone Age
There’s gobs of games that feature trains
Or Zombie Dice with eating brains
I’ll trade for wood, stone, sheep and clay
When I play games this Saturday!
170426
Guess which one
I’ve seen a lot of live music
I’ve seen Rod Stewart and Cheap Trick
My very first was Men at Work
I’ve seen Meat Loaf, but he’s a jerk
I’ve seen Ringo, I’ve seen the Boss
Mötley Crüe was a total loss
I’ve seen Phil Collins and The Who
Paul Simon, Styx, Sting and U2
Elton John and Oingo Boingo
Weird Al Yankovic and Skid Row
The Rolling Stones were tons of fun
I’ve seen them all, except for one
170424
She’s a dancing machine
I really love my sweetie Jean
From one to ten, she’s a fifteen
She’s super smart, her wit is keen
She makes the hard work seem routine
She’s a great cook, such fine cuisine
She perks me up more than caffeine
She’s always nice and never mean
I’m not a king, but she’s my queen
170421
Hundred-to-one haiku
Delicious dinners
Fun friends, good gambling, swank shops
Vegas vacation
170419
Just win baby!
Drove for miles across the desert
Hoping that I would hit pay dirt
Got some wins to pad my pocket
Blinged my hat, I’m gonna rock it!
170417
Not a poo poem in sight
This happens every night
I don’t know what to write
I rhyme with all my might
But nothing comes out right
With page empty and white
I guess I’m not so bright
170414
Technically he was a lich
Hiding eggs behind tomatoes
Lamb and ham and cheese potatoes
Peeps and candy bunnies please us
All because of Zombie Jesus
170412
Art agitates art
The artist of the Charging Bull
Turns out to be a sexist fool
A Fearless Girl made him upset
She’s messing with his male mindset
His privilege is out of joint
The Fearless Girl says, “That’s the point!”
170410
This looks Hela good!
Hammer shock
Ragnarok
I predict lines ’round the block
Hulk and Thor
Go to war
This is what I’ve waited for!
170407
War, huh, yeah
Those children need help not war
But Jizztrumpet slammed the door
Missiles flying through the air
Where they land he does not care
White men watch in the West Wing
Putin pulls his puppet’s string
170405
Make America hate again
There once was a racist named Bannon
With Ku Klux he always was Klannin’
With his pointy hood
And cross made of wood
The flames of hate speech he was fannin’
170403
#CapsOn #PlayBall
From Spring to Summer into Fall
The ump can’t wait to scream “Play ball!”
I got my glove, I got my hat
The whole crowd roars – Mike Trout’s at bat
The count is full, so is my hope
If Angels lose, I’ll cuss and mope
But if they win, I’ll beam and glow
I’ll light up like the big halo!
‘Cause win or lose, we know the score
161 games more
170331
Go! Go Ed!! Go!!!
Edgar’s got a bike to ride
From the bay to the Westside
Powered by his strength and smiles
He will ride 500 miles
Climbing up and down the grades
All to bring an end to AIDS
170329
Where’s your tilde?
There once was a traitor named Devin
Whose Trump love went well past eleven
And like a dumbbell
He shared his intel
Which broke off the seal numbered seven
170327
I don’t like Mondays
The weekend was great
Two days of fun and frolic
But now it’s Monday
170324
#TheArtOfTheFail
I should not laugh, I should not gloat
But Trump is on a sinking boat
There’s so much chaos on the hill
He cannot pass his new health bill
Repeal-Replace has gone nowhere
So we still have Obamacare
The swamp is streaming through the breach
It’s “when” not “if” we should impeach
170322
We’re the best! Yes we are!
We are feeble-minded folks
Every night, the same dumb jokes
We think that we’re such a hoot
Simple, but at least we’re cute
170320
Hit me with your best shart!
The last few days have not been great
For bathroom trips I vacillate
Between the squirts and smelly farts
My TP use is off the charts
And now I trust my flatulence
About as much as Trump and Pence
Another cramp, so here I sit
I cannot wait for solid shit
170317
Throat punch for Patty
Every Irish lass and laddie
Knows today is all for Paddy
From Clonmel to Cincinnati
They’ll punch you if you say Patty
170315
I’m a leprechaun artist
St. Paddy’s day – you can’t escape
Just two more days to get in shape
You’ll eat and drink till you’re a sphere
But please don’t drink green, fucking beer
170313
Somebody’s watching Jizztrumpet
Land of the free; home of the brave
But spies live in your microwave
Oh purple mountain majesty
Team 45’s a travesty
170310
Just like war priests at black masses
There once was a half-orc named Oloch
Who got his sword stuck in the bedrock
It wasn’t that dumb
He channeled Gorum
Which helped him defeat a dark warlock
170308
#DayWithoutAWoman
A day without a woman
Would seem to be inhuman
No women means no living
There would be no hug giving
No mothers making dinner
Or being the breadwinner
Make sure you thank a female
By bringing her a cocktail
170306
Scariest Poe poem ever
Grabbing pussies makes me cheery, while Steve Bannon sits there bleary
Kellyanne was cleaning puddles sprinkled over my golden floor
While I tweeted, close to crapping, suddenly there came a slapping,
As if Putin fiercely fapping, fapping on my golden floor.
“‘Tis Obama! Wire tapping, tapping on my golden floor-
He is sick and so much more!”
170303
The play’s the thing
We had a real good day
We went to see a play
We had a real good night
We got a tasty bite
Into our bed we creep
It’s time to go to sleep
170301
Sacrifice? Or getting ready for summer?
If you have an ashen smudge
And you’ve given up sweet fudge
‘Cause your goal is losing pudge
Do you think your god will judge?
170227
Every job ever
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
Hurry the fuck up!
170224
Freshen up with Putin Pourri
He blocked the news, he’s crossed the line
His every move is asinine
He builds a wall to bring jobs back
“Protecting us from an attack”
He hates muslims, he hates the gays
He’ll bring about the end of days
We can’t believe a word he speaks
He’s done all this in just five weeks
170222
Share that shit!
Are you providing new content
Or hoping memes show your dissent?
If all you do is click on share
I question if you really care
Don’t simply share, please add your thoughts
Help simpletons connect the dots
And one last thing I beg of you
If you do share, share my shit too!
