Stick Person Poetry

180928

180928
Are we not doing phrasing anymore?

There once was an agent named Lana
A hottie – as hot as a sauna
Though he held out hope
She told Archer “Nope!”
Her danger zone was his nirvana

Vacation for my mom and dad
A splendid trip I hope they had
We ate and drank and had the craic
They went to Mayo and came back
We toured Kilkenny without rain
But now they’re leaving on a plane
Until I see them in twelve weeks
Ignore the tear stains on my cheeks

180924

180924
It’s about to get Irish as fuck

Leaves are turning brown
It’s autumn in Kilkenny
I’m a bit frightened

180921

180921
No “o” mon

There once was a gal from Jamaica
Who would dance and knew how to shake-a
When in the right mood
She’d bed a fine dude
But end up by needing to fake-a

180919

180919
Toad is a dick!

Raphael has a pointy sai
Captain Mal has a Firefly
GI Joe has a kung fu grip
Jizztrumpet has a mushroom tip
Ms Pac-Man has a cute hair bow
These are things that I can’t unknow

180917

180917
I quite wish they would quit and be quiet

I don’t like the shouting
It causes self-doubting
The fighting and screaming
Is far from redeeming
Step back from the violence
And enjoy the silence

180914

180914
Come fly her friendly skies

There once was a lass at the airport
The pages were full in her passport
She earned every stamp
The mile high club tramp
An entrepreneurial escort

180912

180912
We have all done this

Clean clean clean clean clean
My parents will be here soon
Clean clean clean clean clean

180910

180910
Happy birthday Roberta Marie Geraghty!!!

The day before my mom was twenty
She had two sons, and that was plenty
Tom was the first, and I was second
That should have been enough I reckon
But six years later came another
It was young James my baby brother
With help from dad, my dearest mommy
Took care of Jamie, Sean and Tommy
She is the best mom on the planet!
Disagree, and I’ll fight you dammit!

180907

180907
She was pretty and pretty crazy

There once was a woman named Daisy
She laid in bed, but wasn’t lazy
A fave of the lads
Their uncles and dads
She left them all happy and hazy

180905

180905
The gift that keeps giving

Another journey ‘round the sun
Another year of joy and fun
Another trip with plans to make
Another candle on your cake
Another chance to get your kicks
Another person drawn with sticks
Another post that’s so sublime
Another silly birthday rhyme

180903

180903
50 years 360 days

Soon year fifty will be no more
I’ll add a one to my age score
This crazy span is almost done
And then I will be fifty-one

180831

180831
Get that man a beer!

There once was a drunkard named Charlie
A fan of the hops and the barley
If he didn’t get
His foam filter wet
He’d end up bad tempered and snarly

180829

180829
The music never stopped

Headphones on and walking the town
I’m getting out and getting down
I’m getting milk and getting bread
Listening to the Grateful Dead

180827

180827
What’s worse than a curse?

There is an airport out in Knock
Where there ain’t much but stone and rock
The Holy Mary was seen there
With Joseph floating in the air
So Pope Frank went to see the church
Where Joe and Mary once did perch
The airport staff waited in line
To give Francis a shirt to sign
A jinx he was asked to reverse
In hopes of ending Mayo’s curse
Instead of such a petty task
A thousand things they could have asked
About abuse by priests and nuns
The church has failed the little ones
Little remorse, barely regret
Before he left them in his jet

180824

180824
What’s with the Crisco

There once was a pope named Francisco
Who roofied some dudes at a disco
With all of the noise
The three altar boys
Were certainly worth the huge risk-o

180822

180822
But you should share this

Go see the pope in Phoenix Park
Stroll through an alley after dark
Jump in a pile of broken glass
Ignore effects of greenhouse gas
Elect outsiders out of spite
In thunderstorms go fly a kite
Don’t bother wiping after poo
These are some things you should not do

180820

180820
I might need to get one

From Castleknock to Castlebar
Mullinavat to Mullingar
You can’t get there without a car
From County Cork to County Clare
Killarney, Kilcoole and Kildare
Without a car you can’t get there

180817

180817
Three to one odds

There once was a lad named Fitzpatrick
In football he tallied a hat trick
His favorite game
Was given a name
Three women in bed was a cat trick

180815

180815
High Street haiku

Castle, cathedrals,
Pubs, cafes and narrow streets
What’s in your city?

180813

180813
Aced it!

I’m always somewhat sleepy
And often I am weepy
I wish that I was rested
I feel I’m being tested
But don’t know how to study
I guess I’ll walk my buddy

180810

180810
Her middle name was Mulva

There once was a lass named Dolores
Whose sexual tales would not bore us
First kissing of lips
Then grinding of hips
It always would end with clitoris

180808

180808
Cemetery stroll

Beside the graveyard
Walking Brownie in the dark
We fear no evil

180806

180806
The trouble with stubble

Kissing scruff can cause beard burn
It’s a badge that’s fun to earn
Folks can also get ‘stache rash
It turns up when faces smash
Stubble might lead to red bumps
Trouble signs of hairy humps
Whiskers tickle cheeks and lips
Up above or down by hips
If you find a face that’s cute
Take some care if it’s hirsute

180803

180803
Patron saint of wood

There once was woman named Brigid
Whom most lads considered quite frigid
But she was quite quick
At taking a dick
And making it stiff, thick and rigid

180801

180801
Rail to nowhere

Sitting on a train
In the driving rain
Searching for the perfect station
Don’t know where to go
Hope we get there slow
Waiting for my destination
Every single place
Wants to plead its case
Each town has a revelation
Though the people there
Do not seem to care
All around this awesome nation

180730

180730
He shan’t do that again

Woke last night to quite a scare
Something riled up Brownie bear
Went downstairs to scrutinize
And could not believe my eyes
Little Linc was moaning low
He had stuck his pinky toe
In the radiator grill
Underneath the window sill
He was hanging upside down
Front paws couldn’t touch the ground
Don’t know how long he was there
Flailing, mewling in the air
Picked him up and set him free
Linc collapsed upon my knee
We had gotten such a fright
That we slept all day and night