141219
Gotta take a Kim Jung-Un
When I think of my Sweetie Pea
It’s like I’m on a tranquil sea
When I think of the holidays
My wallet needs a big fat raise
When I think of my dearest friends
To me they prove that they’re all tens
When I think of North Korea
I suffer from diarrhea
141217
Season’s greetings from Arkham
Oh Cthulhu, Oh Cthulhu!
Thy tentacles are moving
Oh Cthulhu, Oh Cthulhu!
Thy tentacles are moving
Your green appendages are near,
You bring about such dread and fear
Oh Cthulhu, Oh Cthulhu!
Thy tentacles are moving!
141215
Flat tire fairy came twice
Another flat tire
There goes my entire
Christmas fund
With only fifty cents
I cannot buy presents
I’ll be shunned
Nothing for my family
No gifts under the tree
Or in socks
Though my wallet is lean
Doesn’t matter to Jean
My wife rocks
141213
12-13-14 15:16:17
Many are invited
On such a gorgeous day
Two become united
In a euphoric way
141211
Our wedding was so 5 years ago
More laughter than tears
More courage than fears
More vino than beers
More Macy’s than Sears
More Seinfeld than Cheers
We’ve made it five years!
141209
To health in a handbasket
The POTUS on Stephen Colbert
Talking about Obamacare
He did a segment – The Decree
That gave the Nation so much glee
One thing he said sure was neato
He’s not scared to use the veto
Why would the prez want to amuse?
Because the kids don’t watch the news
141207
It’s beginning to look a lot like Santa Maria
There is a cute house on East Cook Street
There ain’t no sugar, but it looks sweet
A buck, doe and fawn
Decorate the lawn
And lights on the roof that look real neat
141205
Read in Morgan Freeman’s voice
You feel it in your heart
You feel it in your feet
You really need to fart
Afraid you’ll stain the sheet
You take a breath of air
And clench your muscles tight
You squeeze it out with care
But hold with all your might
It makes a squelching blast
Your heart is filled with dread
You let it out too fast
You’ve gone and shit the bed
141203
1 in 68 American kids
Autistics aren’t deaf, dumb and blind
But each one is one-of-a-kind
Sometimes they stack or group their toys
Or show distress when near loud noise
Compulsion and repetition
Lack of facial recognition
Though stars made it a sensation
It’s not caused by vaccination
The only thing that can be cured
Is stop using the mean R-word
141201
RIP Nancy #GKG
Whether you’re old or if you’re young
If you’re low key, or too high strung
If you don’t want to lose your hair
Then take this as your Cancer scare
It affects cops and math teachers
Pilots, plumbers, priests and preachers
Chicks with hooters or flat chested
Men with balls should all get tested
It doesn’t care if you’re a star
Or if you train for CPR
Even if you’re a tap dancer
We should all say FUCK YOU CANCER!
141129
The geek awakens
The Star Wars trailer is a tease
But frame by frame this geek will freeze
A stormtrooper on Tattooine
Then a ball droid in the next scene
More stormtroopers upon a ship
A girl giving someone the slip
Rebel pilot flies an X-wing
More lens flare from the lens flare king
The lightsaber is red, not blue
And then my favorite music cue
The freaking Falcon flies again!
As teases go, this one’s a ten
141127
Helping immigrants – what a concept
Eating way too much
And fighting with loved ones
Happy Thanksgiving!
141125
Open your damn eyes!
This country should be indicted
The legal system is blighted
Powers that be are shortsighted
What is wrong needs to be righted
Many sparks have been ignited
Everyone should be invited
And we all must stand united
Don’t let this go unrequited
141123
20-38 is great
I will worry the week before
Worried until the final score
No need to worry anymore
Hundley’s first pass made me go numb
But then he made $c look dumb
The Bruins beat the Trojan scum
The week began with hope and fear
And then we beat a foe so near
We keep the bell another year!
141121
Keep the bell blue!
There once was a clutch of $c girls
They looked so pretty, their hair in curls
They earned their degrees
While down on their knees
And they wore necklaces made of pearls
141119
His best friend is a horse
There once was a Trojan named Tommy
Those who knew him thought he was balmy
He played with a sword
Hygiene he ignored
And he lived at home with his mommy
141117
Paint the Rose Bowl blue
I hope Hundley and the offense
Choose not to make the game so tense
They should score often and early
Putting up points hurly burly
I hope that the Mighty Bruins
Can leave Southern Cal in ruins
That’d be a heck of a show
Here’s hoping for three in a row
141115
We beat the blind idiot god
We filled our co-op gaming itch
With a horror that is eldritch
Azathoth was the Great Old One
Jim went insane, but we weren’t done
By solving the third mystery
The Outer God was history
141113
Bald on top but furry all over
If on top they’re bald or thinning
It’s a battle they’re not winning
If their forehead is a five head
When they blush, it all turns bright red
Remember they didn’t choose it
Rarely do they want to lose it
Avoid pointing and do not stare
It’s not their fault they have no hair
141111
Thanks for serving
This day honors those who serve
It’s a privilege they deserve
To protect the USA
We all get a holiday
So we drove around to see
The greatness of our country
We saw nature – oh the feels
Zebras and elephants seals
Hawks and Canadian Geese
A beautiful world at peace
I feel like I’m in heaven
This day goes to eleven
141109
Bedtime for bozos
Raven and Brownie normally roil
But when exposed to essential oil
They essentially roll up and snore
Essence of oil is all we hoped for
141107
HTK!
I’m proud to be a Hufferd Taught Kid
Senior Film is the best thing he did
Film cameras and a splicing machine
Our High School Yearbook on the big screen
Teacher and coach for Debate and Speech
We battled against schools near the beach
In English we learned of Ambrose Bierce
Huff and my dad once threw back some beers
Teacher, coach, leader, mentor and friend
He’s taken a spill, he needs to mend
So get well soon Huff, I say this loud
I’m a Hufferd taught kid, and I’m proud
141105
Two years of veto
The results made me mad
Two out of three is bad
I know they hate the one
Still nothing will get done
141103
Obligatory Madonna and Judy Garland reference
Everybody knows
The pride parade goes
Over the rainbows
Then they strike a pose
141101
Happy 73 dad!
Happy birthday dad
Since I was a lad
You’ve been pretty rad
Even when I’m bad
You don’t get too mad
Happy birthday dad
141031
Have a groovy Halloween
Raven is a bumble bee
Her tail stings so viciously
Brownie is a dinosaur
His mouth is hard to ignore
Linc does not have a costume
Dressing him would spell our doom
141029
They’re scary cute
Here’s a tale that’s kind of spooky
We see ghosts that look like Mookie
And the phantoms sing a chorus
That remind us of ol’ Morris
The specters are pretty funky
They’re not impressed, just like Monkee
Our old kitties haunt us somehow
We get goosebumps when they meow
141027
Rest in pieces Bob
Cannibals eat
Your hands and feet
A sloppy Joe
And your big toe
They’d be in luck
to get ground Chuck
Frank in a bun
Sure would be fun
But crab Louie
Is too chewy
Their favorite food
Is roasted dude,
Corn on the cob,
And leg of Bob
141025
Thanks Leisure Time Games
A Halloween gameday at the mall
So many games, I can’t play them all
Doomtown, Pathfinder
Munchkin Loot Letter
Waterdeep, and some I can’t recall
141023
But not two nipples
Before we met, she had two
The same as most women do
Later on, she had just one
It was still a lot of fun
Now she has a pair again
With or without she’s a ten
141021
I can’t help it
Doing something nice just confirms
You have opened a can of worms
It might be bent or a big joke
But do not fix what isn’t broke
