151002
142 school shootings since Sandy Hook
Just stop it with the guns
That kill our girls and sons
Stop shootings in our schools
We need a set of rules
To stop gun deaths some day
We need to find a way
Author: tkpope
150930
150930
Pope Frank the 2 steps back
Now everyone’s favorite Pope
Met everyone’s favorite dope
To meet with a clerk so deranged
Just proves that the Church hasn’t changed
150928
150928
Try not to hate no worries mate
Worst part of the trip is the travel
It makes my brain start to unravel
From lengthy delays on the tarmac
To encumbered bags that hurt your back
Can’t sleep on the plane though I’m shit faced
And then one of our bags is misplaced
The vacation starts when you get there
But sitting around makes me lose hair
150925
150925
Good luck All Blacks!
Our two week trip is at an end
Into a cave we did descend
The glow worms shined as bright as stars
Like fireflies caught in blue jars
We’ve seen and done so many things
Hobbiton from Lord of the Rings
We ate food cooked over tea tree
But never saw a brown kiwi
150923
150923
Hobbiton was awesome
Jean and I went to the Shire
We heard angels in a choir
It’s all true, I am no liar
Green Dragon Inn had a fire
In Bag End we could retire
There’s no way we could be higher
150921
150921
Just as planned
Walking with Jean hand in hand
It’s nighttime in New Zealand
The wine and food sure is grand
We want to stay in Auckland
150918
150918
HB + SP
Went down under to get some ink
I found a place that didn’t stink
There was some pain, but I pushed through
To get a stick person tattoo
150916
150916
Always and forever
For all of the days
You are my always
I always want to
I always want you
150914
150914
I have a pain down under
14 hours on a plane
In my ass there is a pain
All that sitting on my bum
Butt cheeks feel insanely numb
150911
150911
Next stop Sydney!
I’ve lost my concentration
For working at the station
I have a new fixation
We’re going on vacation!
150909
150909
48 sure is great
For my birthday I have one wish
I don’t want steak or any fish
Take back your gifts and keep your checks
‘Cause all I want is birthday sex
150907
150904
150904
#2 favorite republican
There’s no more paper on the roll
But I still have to clean my hole
I can’t find any ‘neath the sink
The stench in here it’s hard to think
I see a rag we never use
The stain it leaves looks like Ted Cruz
Vanilla Glade I freely spray
I think I’ll sell it on eBay
150902
150902
Do your job or quit!
Put down the pipe made out of cob
Kim Davis do your fucking job!
You need to let Jim marry Bob
Kim Davis do your fucking job!
Don’t pander to the right wing mob
Kim Davis do your fucking job!
You’re thrice divorced you marriage snob
Kim Davis do your fucking job!
Go be a clerk and shut your gob
Kim Davis do your fucking job!
You no good homophobic slob
Kim Davis do your fucking job!
150831
150831
Food is sofa king good!!!
Small tater tots and double cheese
A linguica and large coke please
Tom’s Take Out rules that’s why I say
I want to eat there every day
150828
150828
I’m pretty tea’d off
Every morning after I pee
I can’t wait to imbibe my tea
Weekday weekend doesn’t matter
Drink until it fills my bladder
If I happen to go without
I’ll be angry and then I’ll pout
Hot, iced, green, black and even chai
I’m drinking tea until I die
150826
150826
Go back to Univision
There is a reporter named Jorge
He’s awesome and he deserves more pay
He interviewed Trump
And proved Don’s a chump
Today should be Ramos adore day
150824
150824
My back teeth were floating
My speed machine
Flies through the green
Light goes yellow
Cannot mellow
Go straight ahead
Right through the red
Here comes a cop
Not gonna stop
He cannot see
Emergency
Too much iced tea
I have to pee!
150821
150821
12-16 weeks, then see ya!
Gonna get me a passport
Gonna make me a citizen
Gonna sell the old escort
Gonna stop watching CNN
I’m gonna get me a passport
Moving to my father’s land
I’m gonna start watching the sport
Where they do not use their hand
150819
150819
My anaconda don’t want none
How do birds whistle when then don’t have lips?
Why won’t wales land walk when they do have hips?
How do rock lobsters go to sleep on rocks?
Why don’t snakes fuck more since they have two cocks?
150817
150817
Ain’t I a catch?
My list of fails is still growing
Rarely am I easy going
I wash whites and darks together
I’ve been known to wear green pleather
When it’s pee, I neglect flushing
On weekends, I’ll skip teeth brushing
Don’t know when my nails need clipping
I am flawed, but don’t be tripping
150814
150814
How Brownie sees the world
It’s the greatest day ever
It’s the greatest day since yesterday
It’s the greatest day ever
Throw the ball to me I want to play
It’s the greatest day ever
I can’t wait until I get to eat
It’s the greatest day ever
I’ve been good so please give me a treat
It’s the greatest day ever
Here’s that toy that you let me borrow
It’s the greatest day ever
I’m super happy ’bout tomorrow!
150812
150812
That’s my blue flame special
If you’re going to the store
This will make it less a bore
Try to get the squeaky cart
No one hears you when you fart
150810
150810
8/8 was great!
The car was packed, we got some gas
A long four hour drive
Reunion for my high school class
From 1985
The year before and after too
Coyotes on the prowl
We didn’t sing awoo-awoo
Or give our mighty howl
I missed the ones that were not there
And even some that were
The bully jock that’s losing hair
I talked with him for sure
The pretty girls are women now
The boys are full grown men
We had some drinks and ate some chow
We spoke of now and then
The best part of the night for me
John Hufferd was there too
He means a lot to so many
To him we say thank you!
Like all good things it had to end
I looked back through the door
My real life pal or facebook friend
Let’s not wait thirty more
150807
150807
We are the mighty coyotes
Tomorrow will be 30 years
Since last I saw my high school friends
We’ll have some laughs and drink some beers
I hope the party never ends
150805
150805
This is only a test
There once was an old TV station
That broadcast all over the nation
The staff was let go
Now they have no dough
All thanks to a big corporation
150803
150803
Hike for health haiku
Walking down the street
Hand in hand we exercise
Our nightly parade
150731
150731
Gray in my beard is also weird
It isn’t fair
That pubic hair
Just grows and grows and grows
I really dread
No hair on head
But plenty in my nose
To my dismay
It’s turning gray
I’m fighting back the tears
This is the worst
I feel I’m cursed
I have hair in my ears
150729
150729
Kill a lion lose your business seems fair
If you want to kill a lion
You’re a dick there’s no denyin’
It’s one thing to shoot a weasel
But why’d you go and shoot Cecil?
You spent a lot to take a life
Better spent on a battered wife
Now you’ve given us a reason
To start dentist hunting season
150727
150727
Mötley scrüed Paso Robles
The Mid-State fair had Mötley Crüe
Nikki, Tommy, Mick and Vince too
They gave us all the Paso screw
Three hours late ’twas sad, but true
The band was fine, but through and through
Vince Neil’s voice sounded like poo
When asked to sing I yelled a boo
With peace and love here’s my FUCK YOU!
150724
150724
Here’s to 7×7 more!
Seven years ago we met
It’s a night I won’t forget
Whoda thunk that a blind date
Would turn out to be so great?
Funny, smart and you’re the bomb
Thanks crazyblinddate.com