0320

0320
Get well soon mom!

We booked our tickets to Ireland
Mom called to say she broke her hand
Dentist says still no cavities
Today’s storm is just a light breeze
How will this up and down day end?
Gonna meet up with high school friend

0319

0319
Presto! Face slap!

There once was a man from Modesto
Who wrote a dating manifesto
To get to third base
Go to a nice place
And buy her linguini with pesto

0318

0318
Monday funday

Our St. Pat’s party was great
Bubbles blowing in the sun
Can’t count the bangers I ate
Playing Rock Band was so fun
Ciders and beers, we drank a bunch
Then the day turned into night
Next day’s text – “come home for lunch”
What an afternoon delight!

0317

0317
Happy St. Pat’s!

The Dear Little Shamrock
By Andrew Cherry

There’s a dear little plant that grows in our Isle,
‘Twas St. Patrick himself, sure, that set it;
And the sun on his labour with pleasure did smile,
And with dew from his eye often wet it.
It shines thro’ the bog, thro’ the brake, thro’ the mire-land,
And he called it the dear little Shamrock of Ireland.
The dear little Shamrock, the sweet little Shamrock,
The dear little, sweet little Shamrock of Ireland.

That dear little plant still grows in our land,
Fair and fresh as the daughters of Erin,
Whose smiles can bewitch, and whose eyes can command,
In each climate they ever appear in.
For they shine thro’ the bog, thro’ the mire-land,
Just like their own dear little Shamrock of Ireland.
The dear little Shamrock, the sweet little Shamrock,
The dear little, sweet little Shamrock of Ireland.

That dear little plant that springs from our soil,
When its three little leaves are extended,
Denotes from the stalk, we together should toil,
And ourselves by ourselves be befriended.
And still thro’ the bog, thro’ the brake, and the mire-land,
From one root should branch, like the Shamrock of Ireland.
The dear little Shamrock, the sweet little Shamrock,
The dear little, sweet little Shamrock of Ireland.

0316

0316
Spoiler alert

Matthew Crawley, is that blood on your head?
Oh, Matthew Crawley, are you really dead?
Your romance with Mary was magic
She and you had it all
Your ride back to Downton was tragic
You should have made a call
Mr. Branson, should have been the chaffeur
Grantham’s Grandson, is the new heir for sure
Hey Fellowes is nobody sacred?
You’ve removed all the mirth
My love for you has turned to hatred
Since baby Sybil’s birth

0315

0315
Hibernian Haiku

Often too cloudy
When sun shines on Ireland
Green shamrocks abound

0314

0314
Least interesting man in the world

There is a man from Argentina
Who rules in the papal arena
He reads from Jonah
And sips Corona
Known as la cerveza mas fina

0313

0313
Pope Frank

So, now we have a Pope Francis
Will he change any church stances?
I think we should call him Pope Frank
That would be quite a papal prank
Brand new Pope, but plan is the same
Lie, deny, and shirk all the blame

0312

0312
Up in smoke

To many it might seem like a joke
But Catholics are focused on smoke
It’s a strange way to elect a boss
How is it done over at Hamas?
When the pipe spews out smoke that is black
Cook up some pop-corn and just sit back
When the voting brings smoke that is white
That means everything will be all right

0311

0311
North Korea is worst Korea

Rodman goes to North Korea
Horsey Sausage at IKEA
Cardinals meet to make new Pope
Gang rape suspect at end of rope
High court debates Voting Rights Act
My Yahoo email was hijacked
The Dow Jones sets an all-time high
More headline news to get you by

0310

0310
Oh to be in Mayo

Going Home to Mayo, Winter, 1949
By Paul Durcan

Leaving behind us the alien, foreign city of Dublin
My father drove through the night in an old Ford Anglia,
His five-year-old son in the seat beside him,
The rexine seat of red leatherette,
And a yellow moon peered in through the windscreen.
‘Daddy, Daddy,’ I cried, ‘Pass out the moon,’
But no matter how hard he drove he could not pass out the moon.
Each town we passed through was another milestone
And their names were magic passwords into eternity:
Kilcock, Kinnegad, Strokestown, Elphin,
Tarmonbarry, Tulsk, Ballaghaderreen, Ballavarry;
Now we were in Mayo and the next stop was Turlough,
The village of Turlough in the heartland of Mayo,
And my father’s mother’s house, all oil-lamps and women,
And my bedroom over the public bar below,
And in the morning cattle-cries and cock-crows:
Life’s seemingly seamless garment gorgeously rent
By their screeches and bellowings. And in the evenings
I walked with my father in the high grass down by the river
Talking with him – an unheard-of thing in the city.
But home was not home and the moon could be no more outflanked
Than the daylight nightmare of Dublin city:
Back down along the canal we chugged into the city
And each lock-gate tolled our mutual doom;
And railings and palings and asphalt and traffic-lights,
And blocks after blocks of so-called ‘new’ tenements –
Thousands of crosses of loneliness planted
In the narrowing grave of the life of the father;
In the wide, wide cemetery of the boy’s childhood.

0309

0309
GoT is coming

If you are a Lannister
You really know your sister
If you’re like Theon Greyjoy
Friendship is merely a ploy
If you’re more like Arya Stark
Your bite is worse than your bark
If you guard on the Night’s Watch
You vow not to use your crotch
If you lose the Game of Thrones
You’ll end up as rotting bones

0308

0308
Dammit Mamet

Arroyo Grande is to AG
As Los Angeles is to LA
AG Village has a lot to see
There’s a wine bar and even a play

0307

0307
Cure whine with wine

Rand Paul talks for hours
Stock in Apple sours
White House target of nuke
AIDS cure could be a fluke
Bin Laden son is caught
LeBron to tie the knot
Facebook changes timeline
This will get the most whine

0306

0306
Funny money

It is hard to put on a happy face
When your soul is sucked dry at your workplace
I shouldn’t complain that it’s not perfect
But they give less effort than I’d expect
I have a dream, but it might seem funny
To love my job and make stacks of money

0305

0305
Artemia NYOS rule

Is it worse to meet twilight junkies
Or somebody into Sea-Monkeys?
Sparkling vampires cause Stoker to Spin
But instant life pets are full of win

0304

0304
Herbaceous haiku

Traffic races past
The purple lupine flowers
In fields of green grass

0303

0303
He ain’t lion

The Lion
By Spike Milligan

If you’re attacked by a Lion
Find fresh underpants to try on
Lay on the ground quite still
Pretend you are very ill
Keep like that day after day
Perhaps the lion will go away

0302

0302
This boy ate soy

I’m usually a barbarian
But sometimes I’ll eat vegetarian
Because I consume all manners of meats
It’s weird to eat the food that your food eats

0301

0301
Spock shot first

I’m such a big nerd that my heart swelled
When Obama said Jedi Mind Meld
I don’t care that Trek and Wars were mixed
I just want the economy fixed

0228

0228
DC = don’t care

It’s about time that Congress backed
Violence Against Women Act
Republicans like the drama
When it seems to hurt Obama
Injustice at the Supreme Court
Minorities have lost support
When good happens in Washington
Another’s rights become undone

0227

0227
Hued Haiku

Drawings are mundane
Sale on Sharpies at Target
Doodles with color

0226

0226
Pyramid Pyromania

Old Pope is stepping down
Helen Hunt wears cheap gown
Ben’s Argo is the best
Blizzards hit the midwest
In Egypt, balloons crash
Gasoline costs more cash
Blade Runner kills girl friend
Gun deaths won’t ever end

0225

0225
Yummy in my tummy

There was a fat dude from Buena Park
Who enjoyed his meat a little dark
It was a nice treat
To finally eat
A hot dish that exceeded the mark

0224

0224
Was his first name Tom?

She Walks in Beauty
By Lord Byron

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o’er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express,
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o’er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

0223

0223
I’m such a tease

I call poems poetries
But these rhymes don’t grow on trees
I like to use similes
As if I had some disease
My art has deficiencies
Clearly not my expertise
My limericks aim to please
They bring hot chicks to their knees
My haiku’s are such a breeze
Some might think I’m Japanese
I don’t think that these are sleaze
Though I make no guarantees

0222

0222
Can’t get enough MWP

Basketball player
In Cookie Monster PJs
Calms down the police

0221

0221
MWP & LAPD

A Laker who was once Ron Artest
In Cookie Monster PJs was dressed
He talked to the cops
About some gun props
To help his actors avoid arrest

0220

0220
Roq of the 80’s

I want an 80’s flashback
How Soon is Now? and Love Shack
Oingo Boingo and U2
Relax and Pictures of You
The English Beat and Soft Cell
Pulling Mussels from a Shell
Berlin and Duran Duran
World Destruction and Roxanne
Men at Work and Tears for Fears
All these songs stuck in my ears

0219

0219
I got the last word

Growing up as a nerd
My chances were absurd
Of going to a dance
Or having a romance
With the girls I wanted
Instead I was taunted
For having some knowledge
And going to college
Although I’m still a nerd
I have a lovely bird
And those who threw the taunts
Are filled with hopes and wants

0218

0218
Wish I could have bought her

I was hiking near the water
All was well until a yachter
Passed too close to a sea otter
Who got sunk and dropped his daughter
I jumped in and grabbed and caught her
By her tail, until I brought her
To her pop, who licked and pawed her
Most won’t believe, but they oughtta

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