tkpope

150511

150511
The haunted haiku

You remembered how
To kill the floating specter
And then you forgot

150508

150508
Grandma kicks ass

There once was a dame named Luella
She was as brave as any fella
When Japan attacked
She made it her pact
That Tojo would go straight to Hell-a

150506

150506
Stop scratching!

The cat has no hair
On his derrière
He looks pretty dumb
With his hairless bum

150504

150504
And also with you

If you know Han shot first
And that Jar Jar’s the worst
If your love tells you so
And you just say, “I know”
If you drink milk that’s blue
May the Fourth be with you

150501

150501
She’s da bomb pop

Living the dream
Eating ice cream
With my sweetie by my side
It’s such a thrill
That she’s so chill
I’m grateful that she’s my bride

150429

150429
Crazy complex and crazy cool

We played a game called AquaSphere
It’s Stefan Feld under the sea
And octopods will cause you fear
Unless your bots can make them flee

150427

150427
Does my life make you jelli?

While eating toast and jelly
I got from a new deli
I turn on our old telly
And watch Michael and Kelly
Then noises in my belly
Squeak out and are real smelly

150424

150424
That fellow is a fellow human

Humans aren’t throwaways
Humans aren’t dirty strays
We should never ration
Our human compassion

150422

150422
Wish you were here

The third planet from the Sun is Earth
From Paris to Pismo Beach to Perth
April Twenty Two
Is a day for you
To consider the world’s future worth

150420

150420
In da couch

We live at Four Twenty
We have fun a plenty
Like the Waldos in San Rafael
We live on East Cook Street
And when the day’s complete
We chill out and feel pretty swell

150417

150417
No Chief Chirpa either

Solo and Chewie!
The Millennium Falcon!
And no Jar Jar Binks!

150415

150415
He waggle danced across my hood

Mr. Bee, you’re on my car
Are you trying to go far?
I sped up, and off you flew
Didn’t get to bid adieu

150413

150413
HRC > GOP

Hillary’s prez bid should not stun
She’s the first First Lady to run
I kind of hope that when it’s done
She’ll be the first lady who’s won

150410

150410
Killing kable

Monopolies suck
Clearing out the DVR
Time to cut the cord

Took the dogs out for a walk
Didn’t get around the block
Stupid dogs a few doors down
Charged at Brownie – made him frown
So he opened up his maw
And he smacked them with his paw
Sent them off with one last growl
Raven joined in with a howl
Tomorrow we’ll try once more
Hope their parents lock the door

150406

150406
No train no gain

Brownie likes to chew on stuff
But we feel he’s chewed enough
I’ll distract him with a bone
So he won’t destroy my phone
When I put away my shoe
He’ll have one less thing to chew
When I put away my socks
He may start to chew on rocks
If he doesn’t chew our sheets
He will get a walk and treats
If we train him to obey
He will get a walk each day

150403

150403
Or I’d be rhyming about roosters

I might have a writer’s block
I could have a writer’s smock
I do have a writer’s walk
I opened a writer’s lock
And this might come as a shock
I don’t have a writer’s cock

150401

150401
A hot foot is a cold caper

Here are some rules
For April Fools
Know who to jape
Don’t scare an ape
Know what to joke
No death or stroke
Know where to prank
Don’t kid a bank
Know why to fool
Don’t be a tool
Know how to trick
Master the slick
Know when to jest
You’ll be the best

150330

150330
I ain’t goin’ anywhere tbh

I ain’t goin’ to Havana
Unless I’m wearing armor plate
I ain’t goin’ to Montana
I’d rather sun burn in Kuwait
I ain’t goin’ to Savannah
I’d sooner avoid the whole state
I’m skipping Louisiana
Unless I need to urinate
Not goin’ to Indiana
They need to learn to tolerate
They are not Americana
Unless you think it’s good to hate

150327

150327
An excerpt from my upcoming musical Oklahomeless

SEAN
I did it
I really did it
I had a thing to do, and then I did it
CHORUS
He did it
He barely did it
At first it didn’t work, but then he did it
JEAN
Sean did it
Sean finally did it
He barely slept at all, but then he did it
CHORUS
He did it
He fucking did it
It took about a month, but then he did it

150325

150325
Please share and like

I don’t care
If you share
That’s a psych
Share and like

150323

150323
I am sooo chip faced

The bag of chips has a face
It’s a nacho cheese disgrace
The brain child of a nut case
Head is full of empty space
Easy target for your mace
An image you can’t erase
Worst thing in the human race

150320

150320
That weed is high

Here’s the world’s largest weed
Sprouted up from a seed
It’s taller than a bus
Bigger than both of us
There it is in our yard
Tried to burn, only charred
Some poison we did spray
Still it stands here today
Then we both tried to dig
But the roots were too big
So we said, “Let it live
For the shade it will give.
It might be just a weed,
But it’s best of it’s breed.”

150318

150318
Don’t be misled there’s always bed

I think I’ll just go back to bed
Wind blew the hat off of my head
My jeans don’t fit ’cause I’m too fat
My only friend’s a one-eyed cat
I found a bug in my sandwich
I drove my car into a ditch
I owe way more than I can pay
I got shit on by a blue jay
My job is slowly killing me
It sometimes hurts when I go pee
My doctor says I’ll soon be dead
I think I’ll just go back to bed

150316

150316
Ya gotta love yourself

Put your hand
On your gland
Stretch it like a rubber band
When it’s out
Give a shout
Got to shake it all about
Now you’re done
With your fun
Put away that flaccid gun

150313

150313
SQL can suck it!

Dead end, dead end, dead end, dead end
No matter how much time I spend
I just can’t find a way to mend
This broken web site for a friend
I think I’ve gone around the bend
Dead end, dead end, dead end, dead end

150311

150311
What’s this wet stuff?

Drizzle isn’t really rain
Not enough to fill the drain
Sprinkling doesn’t really count
Comes in such a small amount
When it pours it’s way too much
Overflows the curb and such
Not a drought and not a flood
But sufficient to make mud
That’s the rain we really need
Just enough to grow a seed

Author: tkpope