{"id":1448,"date":"2014-12-05T21:28:32","date_gmt":"2014-12-06T05:28:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/stickpersonpoetry.com\/spp\/?p=1448"},"modified":"2016-05-12T21:31:12","modified_gmt":"2016-05-13T04:31:12","slug":"141205","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stickpersonpoetry.com\/spp\/2014\/12\/05\/141205\/","title":{"rendered":"141205"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone\" src=\"https:\/\/stickpersonpoetry.com\/images\/201412\/141205.png\" \/><\/p>\n<p>141205<br \/>\nRead in Morgan Freeman&#8217;s voice<\/p>\n<p>You feel it in your heart<br \/>\nYou feel it in your feet<br \/>\nYou really need to fart<br \/>\nAfraid you&#8217;ll stain the sheet<br \/>\nYou take a breath of air<br \/>\nAnd clench your muscles tight<br \/>\nYou squeeze it out with care<br \/>\nBut hold with all your might<br \/>\nIt makes a squelching blast<br \/>\nYour heart is filled with dread<br \/>\nYou let it out too fast<br \/>\nYou&#8217;ve gone and shit the bed<\/p>\n<button class=\"responsivevoice-button\" type=\"button\" title=\"ResponsiveVoice Tap to Start\/Stop Speech\" data-rvtts-action=\"speak\" data-rvtts-text=\"141205 Read in Morgan Freeman&#039;s voice You feel it in your heart You feel it in your feet You really need to fart Afraid you&#039;ll stain the sheet You take a breath of air And clench your muscles tight You squeeze it out with care But hold with all your might It makes a squelching blast Your heart is filled with dread You let it out too fast You&#039;ve gone and shit the bed\" data-rvtts-voice=\"UK English Female\"><svg class=\"rvtts-icon\" width=\"22\" height=\"22\" viewBox=\"0 0 22 22\" fill=\"currentColor\" aria-hidden=\"true\" focusable=\"false\"><path fill-rule=\"evenodd\" clip-rule=\"evenodd\" d=\"M11 0C4.92345 0 0 4.92345 0 11C0 13.2683 0.690345 15.3772 1.86621 17.1221L0.811724 21.0517L4.70345 20.0124C6.48621 21.2641 8.65586 22 11 22C17.0766 22 22 17.0766 22 11C22 4.92345 17.0766 0 11 0ZM3.99793 9.99862C3.99793 9.44483 4.44552 8.99724 4.99931 8.99724C5.5531 8.99724 6.00069 9.44483 6.00069 9.99862V12.0014C6.00069 12.5552 5.5531 13.0028 4.99931 13.0028C4.44552 13.0028 3.99793 12.5552 3.99793 12.0014V9.99862ZM8.99724 13.9966C8.99724 14.5503 8.54966 14.9979 7.99586 14.9979C7.44207 14.9979 6.99448 14.5503 6.99448 13.9966V7.99586C6.99448 7.44207 7.44207 6.99448 7.99586 6.99448C8.54966 6.99448 8.99724 7.44207 8.99724 7.99586V13.9966ZM12.0014 17.0007C12.0014 17.5545 11.5538 18.0021 11 18.0021C10.4462 18.0021 9.99862 17.5545 9.99862 17.0007V4.99931C9.99862 4.44552 10.4462 3.99793 11 3.99793C11.5538 3.99793 12.0014 4.44552 12.0014 4.99931V17.0007ZM14.9979 13.9966C14.9979 14.5503 14.5503 14.9979 13.9966 14.9979C13.4428 14.9979 12.9952 14.5503 12.9952 13.9966V7.99586C12.9952 7.44207 13.4428 6.99448 13.9966 6.99448C14.5503 6.99448 14.9979 7.44207 14.9979 7.99586V13.9966ZM18.0021 12.0014C18.0021 12.5552 17.5545 13.0028 17.0007 13.0028C16.4469 13.0028 15.9993 12.5552 15.9993 12.0014V9.99862C15.9993 9.44483 16.4469 8.99724 17.0007 8.99724C17.5545 8.99724 18.0021 9.44483 18.0021 9.99862V12.0014Z\"\/><\/svg><span class=\"responsivevoice-button__label\">Listen to Poem<\/span><\/button>\n\n<div class=\"twitter-share\"><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?via=stickpersonpoet\" class=\"twitter-share-button\">Tweet<\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>141205 Read in Morgan Freeman&#8217;s voice You feel it in your heart You feel it in your feet You really need to fart Afraid you&#8217;ll stain the sheet You take a breath of air And clench your muscles tight You squeeze it out with care But hold with all your might It makes a squelching &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/stickpersonpoetry.com\/spp\/2014\/12\/05\/141205\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">141205<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[46,18,13,17],"class_list":["post-1448","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rhymes","tag-bed","tag-celebrities","tag-fart","tag-poo"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stickpersonpoetry.com\/spp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1448"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stickpersonpoetry.com\/spp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stickpersonpoetry.com\/spp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stickpersonpoetry.com\/spp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stickpersonpoetry.com\/spp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1448"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/stickpersonpoetry.com\/spp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1448\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1450,"href":"https:\/\/stickpersonpoetry.com\/spp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1448\/revisions\/1450"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stickpersonpoetry.com\/spp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1448"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stickpersonpoetry.com\/spp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1448"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stickpersonpoetry.com\/spp\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1448"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}